It was an awesome day, i ordered my favorite hello Kitty balloons, the cake was good and the kids enjoyed themselves to the fullest! And everyone was happy with the goodie bags i have given out which was really special! hahaha

Although it was a tired day at the end of it when the cleaning and packing may seem impossible, we all have fun and that is all that matters!

Happy Birthday Calyce! Although i know you may not be appreciating it as much as we do! But you will come to love birthdays very soon enough by the next year..

Calyce is going to be a year soon, in 3 weeks time.  However, her progress is not as fast as i have expected her to be.  Didnt people always say that girls progress faster than the boys?  Her progress appears to be fast during the early months but then slowed down in the recent months again.

1. At 1 year old, she still refuses to down any solid food.  All food must be blended before she will stop vomitting.. 

2. She refuse to try any new foods, like fruits, biscuits, bread etc.. maybe she doesnt have the teeth, but isnt that the same with Cepheus?  Cepheus doesnt have any teeth until starting of 10th months and they grew out damn slow as well.. but Cepheus loves food so much that he will simply put anything edible into his mouth to try and taste.  Calyce is just the opposite.  She will put anything into her mouth except food..her food intake is still very little compared to kids of her own age.. even when compared to Cepheus..

3. Calyce started crawling pretty early, however, till now, at 11 mths old, she still refuses to walk.  Whenever we tried to lead her hands to walk, she will 'keep' her legs, bend them up and refuse to walk, only want to seat down and crawl.  She is a pretty fast crawler and can crawl all over the house very quickly.  She loves to crawl onto the sofa but didnt want to learn standing for long or walking as yet.

 4. Calyce learnt to fight for attention with her brother, and will always cry for attention whenever she sees Cepheus near to the person.  She always wants the same attention from the same person whom is attending to her brother as well..no wonder Cepheus always got pissed off by her actions hahaha LOL

I am now also even looking for good tingkats, since after the monday incident, after the row i have had with my MIL, she complained to Ferris that she thinks she is working too much (although really her only role is to take care of Calyce in the daytime as well as cooking dinner for us including herself).  But since she is so relunctant and thinks that by doing these is still too much for her, we are adamant to 'shrink' her duties so that her main role is just to take care of Calyce in the day time.  Hopefully after this incident and 'restructuring' of duties, she will not think she is overworked anymore and will pay more attention to Calyce in the future.

Anyway, you can see the difference in how she is being treated twice this week, once on monday when she vomitted at home and today again, same both are night feed, and same when both granny (monday) and grandpa (today) is taking care of the big one whilst i am feeding her when she vomitted..

Monday - Calyce vomitted all over herself including her milk and porridge, and she cried out real hard.. her granny actually totally ignore the fact that she have vomitted and is crying out real hard and continues to shut herself in the room with Cepheus.  Whilst i carried my wet Calyce soaked in water and dripping all the way from the toilet into Cepheus room without any towel on, and she continues to cry profusely. i stormed into Cepheus room, on all the lights with Calyce still crying and began to dry and dress her immediately.. and all this while, granny and cepheus are making merry in the room.. granny's 'reason' for not offering any help is that she is trying to make cepheus 'sleep' and i wonder how she is going to do that with me in the room all lights on and Calyce crying and making a scene in the room itself.. after i carried calyce out of the room into my own MBR where calyce bed is, i put her down and proceed to the living room to clean up the mess.. and again Calyce cried out loud again, and the next thing the granny did is 'shut the door' on Calyce and continued to sleep inside Cepheus' room...

Today - Calyce again vomitted and although only milk and not the porridge but its just as bad as her hair and top was all soaked with vomit, chair and floor just as dirty.  The first thing grandpa do is to carry Calyce out of the chair and soothe her, whilst i quickly prepare her bath, grandpa then went into the bathroom to see if i need additional help and pass me whatever towel or stuff i may need for Calyce. Whilst still keeping an eye on Cepheus who is still in the living room.  And helping me to take care of Calyce whilst i clean up the mess in the living room...

From this incident, one can clearly see who is being genuinely sincere and dote on the kids and who is not, some people are just taking a 'salary' and pretending to be nice so as to keep their KPIs.. what a cruel world it is, but it does happen, not only to your company employee but to your kins at home too.. 

Spending the first day of new year at home with Dear and my two lovely kids have been wonderful.  Even though we have not been going anywhere today, just staying at home, having fun with the kids and catching a movie together as a family is such a blessing too!  Dear and myself have been working through the days and nights clearing up the study room which is such a mess already and getting ready for the lunar new year.  I have finally finished up my piece (actually i am not as messy and i finished up in just a couple of hours time) but Dear is so messy that he have to spend days clearing up the mess! but i am really glad that he is finally looking into things he want or do not want and discard the unneccessary.. I just hope that it will not turn back to messy so soon!  let me enjoy a few months of tidy and clean study room please!

Calyce have grown from being a very dainty and quiet lady into a fierce and attention seeking baby! hahaha she have been observing her brother's behaviours and start to act like him.. she started to fight for attention and will suddenly cry when we were carrying or playing with Cepheus.  She will interrupt us and fight for the same attention when we were playing with him, when she sees either me or Dear carrying Cepheus, she will suddenly crawl very fast to us and start to cry and reach out her hands wanting us to carry her as well!  Seeing her behavior is so so funny.. she acts just iike a 'chilli padi' when she doesnt get her way and start 'beating' people around.. oops! i guess we have to get ready for sibling fights real soon!  

On last sunday itself, we brought both Calyce and Cepheus to attend a wedding dinner together at merchant court.  Calyce developed abit of stranger anxiety and couldnt keep her still the entire night.  She yearns to be carried all the time.  We were so tired but luckily there were so many cousins and aunties there to keep her entertained.  Joan and Judy were the best bet!  They like her so much and kept on taking turns to keep her company and they are really getting the hang of it i think! well done! ;)

As for myself, i think my amnesia is getting really bad and i am down with 'long sightedness' as well.  Life's been hard after the 2nd birth and i can feel that my entire body is not like before anymore.. gets tired too easily, cannot concentrate at times and always feel like 'dozing off' on the road.. time to perk myself up! 

At night, we went to Safra again to join in the Christmas light up ceremony and saw 'Santa Claus', it was a fun event where there is a bazaar going on and lotsa children running around waiting for the santa.  Santa finally appeared at 8pm but Cepheus as usual is not accustomed to crowds and doesnt really care about the big white beard fat man haha.. although all the other kids were running to take pictures and shaking hands with Santa but not him.

And today itself, we brought the kids to Vivo for a short shopping spree.. where again i spent on Espirit haha i think i spent over $400 on Espirit in just a week (thanks to my sis and her 40% discount coupon! that makes everything irresistible).  I am not a big fan of Espirit and i seldom shop there until she gave me the coupon every year hahaha.. but this time i invested in a few good lil' black dresses that i will be very glad to 'sashay' in office and at special occassions .  And oh did i mention that we like the Espirit towels so much that i simply need to collect them home at such a good deal haha but then realise that they up the price as well, so after discount is not much different from the price we used to pay in the pass..

Finally went over to our neighbour, Roger's place tonight for a visit as his wife just delivered a pair of twins!  what a cute pair, Maximilium and Natalie (hope i get their names right here).  What are a pair of sweet babies .  At the door as we were leaving the flat, we met with some RC members who stayed on our 15th storey trying to sell us tickets to a christmas bash on 25th December.  We decided to buy the tickets and join in the fun just for the sake of the kids and given the proximity of the event.  However, was quite disappointed when she charged us tickets for the baby as well (can understand she want to charge ticket for Cepheus as he is turning 3 soon but Calyce is only 10 months!) But anyway since the ticket is only $3, we still buy 4 tickets for the night.  Hopefully Cepheus can get to enjoy his christmas at crescent this year.

Last night is the first time that i brought Cepheus alone out for a wedding dinner.  And due to business trips and been busy lately at work, i have little time for bonding and time alone with Cepheus nowadays so Last night was a good night for a little bonding time alone with him.  Cepheus is so well behaved at the dinner that regine and gang actually thought that he is so guai and adorable and likes to play with him so much!  Cepheus is a little rascal at times and at home, but when there are unfamiliar faces around, he tends to become 'shy' and 'reserved' and turns out to be the 'little mr nice guy' .. which is a good thing afterall! But we have to leave early at around 10pm as Cepheus turns a lil' cranky near his bedtime and the gals were so unrelunctant to let him leave.. i am looking forward to more gatherings where i can bring him along and Joseline volunteered to organise a x'mas gathering after her beautiful wedding last night ..

Calyce is not feeling well, with her stuffy nose and coughing trait that i got frustrated and lose my patience with her just now when she refuse to drink her medicine and spilled it all over herself.  i still feel so guilty now after flaring up at her earlier, she was not feeling well, i shouldnt have lose my patience over her like that...but i was really worn out today after having done so much stuff and have to carry her the whole day as she was cranky earlier on.. but she slept almost immediately in my arms when i carried her after she spilled her medicine just now, with no regards to my anger or whatsoever, she just fell peacefully asleep.. looking at her sleeping in my arms, just brings all the anger out of me suddenly.. and oh yes, i managed to sleep feed her again tonight!  after my MIL said she tried so many attempts but failed.. 

which is having two sheriffs (policemen) come knocking on my door asking if i am ok...

the story goes:

i was trying to call out first a toll free number " 18XX" from the hotel room, and in order to call that, you have to dial '9 1 X' followed by the toll free number.. and i accidentally pressed '9 1 18X".. and it went through, i didnt even realise i have called 911 until they came knocking at my room 30 min later even when i hang up the call before it was answered.. that was totally embarrassing!

Well, but here are my adventures of the week..

1. held up by USA immigration at the customs check out point, 30 min delay, until i finally proved the purpose of my trip 

2. first time driving an SUV (6 seater), Mazda 5, and driving at a minimum of 100km/h on the freeway

3. Got lost but finally still managed to be back to the hotel all thanks to NeverLost (GPS)

4. Drove to Gilroy and packed my luggage full with purchases but none for myself (oops, oh yes a coach scarf.. :)

5. Contracted bad cold rash on top of my ezcema which made it really really bad..

6. Deserted my team and went alone in search of my favourite KFC with my best friend, the GPS ;)

7. What's next?

As i am counting down to the days that i will part with Cepheus and Calyce on 31st Oct (going on biz trip again to Cupertino) and for a good 2 weeks.. i cant help but feeling depressed.. since Calyce was born, this is the already the 3rd business trip that i am going.. i hope i can reduce the frequency (which is already very low compared to how much my colleagues are travelling!) and have more time to spend with them.  I am now worried that the sticky gluey Calyce will no longer want me when i return in two weeks as they say that babies can easily forget and divert their attention to something else..  .. i am also worried that Calyce will be neglected at home.. as Cepheus is much older and knows what to do to command attention from his granny and daddy.. Calyce will just seat quietly in her rocker or walker and wait for attention to be lavished on, and at times, even when she is crying or shouting, she may not get the needed attention from them which makes me even more worried.. i really hope i can cut short my trip this time which i tried to but nearly ended up prolonging it due to another project in clash.. i am just so lucky that i manage to stick to my original schedule afterall without prolonging the trip ..

Nobody in office spoke of this.. except the few of us colleagues, our management did not speak of this to us, our bosses never speak of this to us.. but our Apple website paid tribute to Steve when you enter it..

Everyone acted normally in office but i believe that everyone is containing the sadness within us.. just not speaking of it openly.. it is truely a sad day for all of us.. even for those of us who have never met him .. I am surprised that i could be affected by him this much, a felt of loss and pain.. as if i have lost a good friend and mentor.. never knew he could impact me so much with his departure by someone i never even knew personally.. I have never expect his step down and his departure to touch my heart this much.

Rest in peace Boss, we will always keep your guidance and vision in mind, life still goes on and Apple still lives on.. your fans continue to be around all over the world and your people like us will continue to support your vision and realise your dreams in your absence..

She is still regurgitating infrequently though and it makes me upset and finally threw my temper at her after a long time, as she always like to mess around while having her meals.  And just now after regurgitating out her cereal, i finally loses my cool and raised my voice at her.  Sensing that Mommy is really mad, she just kept crying but stopped when i bathe her and keep smiling at me back.  I felt so guilty after losing my cool as she was already not feeling well and i really shouldnt have scolded her, afterall it wasnt really her fault.. sorry my gal..

Calyce have been extremely sticky and gluey the past week, whenever she sees me home, she will reach out her arms to me and yearn for me to carry her, shouting and yelling 'mama' as she sees me walk pass. When daddy or granny is carrying her she will reach out to me when she saw me walking by as well.  And recently she is so sticky until she doesnt want to be put down by her own self in the rocker or walker but insists that either me or daddy to carry her around every time she sees us.. which is really tiring.. we place her on the play mat most of the times whereby she will be so engrossed in playing with Cepheus and will only shout for attention when neither of us is around at all.

Calyce and Cepheus loves each other alot.  Especially Cepheus attitude have grown so much positively towards Calyce these days, after we keep reminding him again and again how to love and dote on his lil' sister.  He would bring out his toys and keep telling Calyce to 'share' and wanting to play cooking and doctor with her.. Earlier this afternoon, while he was so engrossed in his iPad, when Calyce interrupted, he shouted a big 'HEY' and brought his iPad away from her.  Upon seeing, i reminded Cepheus why Calyce interrupted him all because she love her 'kor kor' and wanted to play with him thats all!  Cepheus then suddenly turn towards Calyce walk over, put down his iPad and seat down beside her and start to sayang her before telling her to 'share' ... upon seeing this, it really warms my heart to know that Cepheus really loves his meimei and took our words to heart.  I hope they remains so loving forever. 

Calyce still refuse to eat porridge and doesnt like all the baby food that i have been buying for her, esp those sour ones (like fruit gel and fruit yogurt).  She is more picky in terms of food compared to Cepheus where Cepheus loves to eat anything and everything in the world (including our food) when he is at her age..Calyce only wants cereal and milk at this point and she loves water.  She still suffering from reflux every now and then whereby she will perform 'merlion' once in a while and then starts to 'strike' food again.  These two days she starts to strike on her food again.  I have bought a new frisocreme for her and hope she will like it later.

715pm - reach home with Cepheus and Dear

730pm - feed Cepheus

8pm - take our dinner

830pm - washing

845pm - take down old laundry

9pm - change of all beds mattresses, pillows covers etc

930pm - Change and put Calyce to bed 

10pm - shower while waiting for new laundry

1030pm - feed Calyce

11pm - Put out new laundry

1130pm - Finally my own sweet personal time :)

Calye 'merlion' again tonight after her 730pm dinner, she pratically puked out her entire bowl of cereal after 'hiccup-ping' for a few times.. hmm .. is it overfeed?  hardly believable since she yet to even finish that bowl of thin cereal... i guess her reflux is still getting back at her and she have yet to completely recover from it yet..

Then came the names, i told them do not teach him to call "嬷嬷" as it is on the same note as "妈妈“ and "mama" (in hokkien where i was born in).  Because i knew that one day he will be confused, teach him to call 奶奶 or 啊嬷 instead so that he wont be confused. My MIL said NO and insisted that children are very bright and smart and will be able to seperate "嬷嬷" from those.  She mentioned that 啊嬷 is so difficult to call why not call me mommy (HUH?? u expect a one year old kid dont know how to call Ah Ma but can pronounce Mommy???) Out of respect, again i tolerated and said OK to let him be taught both 妈妈 and 嬷嬷..

Cepheus learnt to call 妈妈 first and finally after some serious hard work he finally call 嬷嬷, obviously overjoyed.. and out of overjoyed suddenly came the instruction to everyone that Cepheus cannot call me 妈妈 and must call me Mommy (????!!!!) what the?? i cant comprehend whats the reason.. she said because Cepheus will be confused.. (HUH?? i already said that a year ago didnt i??? and why should i be the one to sacrifice ah when he is MY son??) but being a first time mom (so i guess i was abit gong gong also) and since Cepheus is already calling me 妈妈 and mommy, again i tolerated and witnessed how he was forced and brainwashed by her to stop calling me 妈妈.. out of respect..

Finally came the last straw, as Cepheus grew older and cheekier, he starts to call anyhow, nowadays, he starts to call my MIL mama,  嬷嬷, and even 妈妈!!! Dear and I tried to teach him the right thing by telling him off and teaching him to call properly.  However there is no cooperation from everyone, and someone just keeps responding to whatever that my son is calling! be it 嬷嬷, or 妈妈 or mama (hokkien for mommy).. i told everyone, if you want to teach please teach properly and please respect the language.. the more you respond, the more he wont heed and will continue to call out purposely, that's kids.. if you dont know how to teach dont anyhow teach.. and the response that i get?? WELL NEVERMIND DE LA, HE IS SO USED TO IT ALREADY LET HIM CALL LO!!!!  Please respect others first if u want respect in return, is this how it runs in the YOUR family or is this simply how you nurture your young??

Nowadays as he get cheekier and more talkative, Cepheus will sometimes call 'ah yin' 八婆 (in cantonese) instead of 'pak po' at home, and everytime he do that, i always did my best to teach him to pronounce 'pak po' correctly.  Since the response i get is NEVERMIND DE LA when he call wrongly, i will know what to do in the future, it doesnt matter in the family if he ever calls 八婆 instead i believe..

Tonight i am so pissed off that i told my son off when he is bound for bed.. if you want to sleep, go and sleep and do not play for an hour in the room before you sleep!  I dont want to hear him getting scolded by his granny the next morning, just because she always play with him for an hour during bedtime and in the end cause him to have not enough sleep at night and started to throw tantrums in the morning, in the first place, who was the one who played with him in the room when he is supposed to be sleeping huh??

我有这么象病猫吗？

Clayce at 6 months can already crawl very fast, her motor skills is clearly much better than Cepheus at the same age.  Cepheus attempted to crawl rather early but actually crawled later.  Calyce started to show signs of crawling at 5 months and within a while, she was already crawling around and across our king size bed effortlessly.  That is also why we have to keep her within the boundaries of her playpen now when we are not sleeping with her on our bed.

Cepheus still get upset with Calyce at times esp when he sees us carrying or sayang her.  But he also sayang her alot.  Always wanting to carry her and kiss her when he is in a good mood.  Cepheus is mad at me earlier when i didnt spend enough time with him.  After i took leave to bring him out for a one to one outing on monday, his attitude changed better and keep telling me "i love mommy" and kisses me as he said that too!  I think i may be responsible for his bad attitude towards me earilier as i am too caught up with housework, Calyce as well as my job.  I find that as long as i put aside time with Cepheus as well.  He loves me just as much.  I will try to keep up with the one-to-one session with him (just as i do so with my colleagues at work!) haha, it does improve the relationship and performance of the other! hahaha.

I am so excited as i am very much looking forward to my long awaited promotion this year in another 2 months! i know my effort have not gone wasted and i will work even harder next year in return appreciation to my boss' trust in me.

However, as i will be even more tied up with my job, i have to work even harder at home to spend equally quality time with my children.  Life is getting harder but i will strive to counter that! Its gonna be a good problem afterall!

Since Dr Wong suggested physcological issues, i begin to wonder if it could be something more serious.  As we were hoping she would eat and drink more, sometimes we will sleep feed her or tries to make her drink and eat more during the day.  Could this actually have backfired?   I really hope Calyce will feel hunger and ask to eat and drink again.  I couldnt bear with the thought that she will need to go on drip as it is very unpleasant thing to do to a baby.. One time with Cepheus is enough, the thought of seeing Calyce on drip hurts me more than anything else.. i really don't want to go through this a second time..

At home, things are not as smooth, Calyce continues her milk strike, and we have to start her on cereal, tried rice and oats cereal on her and she is responding very well.  However, today when i started her on organic cereal, she starts to reject again, i tried to spoon feed her milk and she continues to reject.  I simply don't understand if she is just rejecting because she is really not hungry or because she just hates food and milk.  I am so frustrated that i raised my voice at her tonight, she sensed my anger and started to frown and cries loudly.  I really don't understand why a baby can do without milk and food for as long as 6 hours.  When she finally felt tired at around 9pm plus we took the opportunity to feed her again and this time bottle feed.. she managed to take some milk down her throat after that.  I think she finally surrendered to hunger.. at 6 months, Calyce is still weighing 6 kg, and drinking just 500 - 600ml of milk per day. She is really very very underweight and she rejects food and fluid altogether.  I really on the verge of surrendering and giving up at times.  The PD prescribed her some medicine to improve her appetite, during the first 4 days of the medication, she responded extremely well and her appetite improves vastly but that only lasted for FOUR days... after which now she rejects her medication (every time will cry and struggle whenever she sees her syringe), rejects her milk and now even her cereal.. 神啊救救我吧，快来拯救我的宝贝啊！！！

At 6 months, Cepheus already tried all sorts of purees, biscuits, cereals and started porridge at 7 months. At 6 months, Calyce is still rejecting milk, cereal and doesnt like any of the puree i have prepared for her too.  Does she really hate food that much?? now i am contemplating of delaying her on porridge until she can take in cereal and milk in a consistently manner.  She needs all the nutrients from the baby food right now.  I really hate entertaining the thought that one day we may need to send her to KK for drip if she continues and worsen her milk strike.  That is the last thing we want on our mind now..

Cepheus on the other hand, continues to demand for attention as and when he saw us carrying Calyce.. at times he will be so sweet and demand to sayang Calyce but at times he will throw tantrums and forbid Calyce from playing with his toys, seating on his Jumbo seat and so on.. and recently he learnt to 'pretend read' in school and also 'pretend read' at home.. which is so funny watching him pretending to read just now..

The June parent's teacher's meeting for Cepheus just ended and as i missed this round due to business trip, i have an informal session with his teacher Eunice over the phone this afternoon.  Teacher Eunice mentioned that she have nothing but good things to say about Cepheus, how good he was, how interactive and interesting he was, how helpful and "busybody" aka KPO (trying to be big brother in the class) he was and how nice and sweet he was.  During my absence, he will always go to the teachers and start telling them that "mommy go work" which apparently means i am away from home.. haha.. i thought that Cepheus will not miss me when i am not around but hearing him say that to the teachers made me realise that my son does miss me too!  hehe and i am so touched.. i asked if he ever beat anyone in class as he always like to beat us at home but as per teacher, he is so nice and wouldnt beat anyone in school.. well i hope he stays that way and certainly change for the better at home.. please dont beat me anymore.. i am have enough of home abuse! hahahaha...

Cepheus ran to mommy and kiss me on my cheeks

Daddy : Cepheus kiss kiss

Cepheus ran to Daddy and kiss him 

Mommy : Cepheus kiss kiss!!!

Daddy : Cepheus kiss kiss!!!

Cepheus paused for a moment in his track, rolled his eyes and finally said "..together.." and came in between Daddy and Mommy, hold our neck towards his cheeks and "muack!!!"

Having spent the past five days in Taiwan and Shenzhen, i have seen alot and learn to appreciate Singapore much better, we have better roads and definitely better road users as well.. having travelled in taxis in those countries make me realise that i will never be able to 'drive' there like the locals.. the 'kung fu' that they displayed during driving is incomparable.. and we Singaporeans definitely have better manners in driving..

After this preview trip, my verdict is that i will love to go back to taipei again but definitely not the greater China (not Shenzhen at least).. 

We met Charles (our Taiwan BPR colleague) at 7pm, whereby he brought us to see the 'real' taiwan.. The part of Taiwan that never sleeps.  The interesting activities began when we went to the Lao He night market whereby we tried almost every stuff we saw, we ate as we walk.  We tried the famous 'lok lok', ice cream wrapped in 'bo pia' skin, 'yan shui' chicken, fried crabs, seasoned mangoes and guava, as well as 'yao chai dun' pork ribs..

After that Charles went on to bring us to try the famous mangoes ice with ice cream at 'yongkang' street and followed by visiting the 24 hours book store whereby alot of 'yan daos' and 'chio bus' like to linger around haha.. 

Taipei really never sleeps, and we have finally been to the right place where locals visit today.  According to Charles, shilin night market is not really a place for locals but more for tourists. And staying in international hotels are a silly thing to do..  he recommended 'motels' whereby its locally built and is labelled '7' stars and is so much cheaper if we wanted to return to taiwan in the future.  I think i really like Taiwan, however, its not a nice place for kids as they cannot tahan to walk long enough to enjoy the fun to explore around.. hmm.. hope i get to come back again in the near future.  And oh yes, Charles mentioned bringing us to another night market again tomorrow!  

I always wonder what is wrong with my two precious... why is it that other babies will drink alot of milk, but mine will always be on milk strike.. Cepheus used to be like that and the same goes to Calyce now.  Worse thing is, Calyce doesnt even like solid, as i prepared pumpkin puree for her, she will spit out almost everything, maybe i should prepare some other fruits for her to try out.. is this something genetic?  i don't remember or even my mom dont recall that i am on milk strike before.  This is something puzzling.. i tried to change to similac which is so much sweeter and even smells nicer to me, but Calyce rejects the same.  She will only cry for milk if she is very very hungry and that is like every 5-6 hours or even longer.. and would only down a 100ml.. so practically, if we act according to her demand, she will only be drinking like 200ml per day!!!! this is absolutely crazy!

I am getting easily frustrated these days, and Calyce behavior just aggravates it, she will not reciprocate that mommy wakes up at 4am every morning to feed her but will throw tantrums and refuse to drink.. Dear attribute it to her medical condition now as she is still on cough..and she will only cough during the night when her feed will drop drastically as she refuse to drink anything at all.  

I seems to be frustrated with everything and everyone in the house nowadays.. i don't know what causes this, but when i am at work, i felt more at ease as my mind is concentrating on working and there is simply no time for me to think of anything else but work.  I do not worry so much things in the house and tends to put off my guard in the office.. but when i am at home,  i tend to get very stress and very worried with every single thing in the house.  Probably because i find that there is no one i can leave my trust to in the household and i get even more worried when i think that i need to travel again next week.  I am gonna miss my children, but i am not sure they will miss me as much though..

Having spent a night at Sydney with Ivan and family was heart warming, they brought me to Birkenhead's factory outlet where i bought tons of clothings for Cepheus and Calyce at Pumpkin Patch and Cotton On Kids.

Cepheus been sick since sunday, and have been having on and off fever of greater than 38 degrees from sunday till now.  I brought him to see a GP at our place who gave him phelgm medicine and antibiotics for bacteria infection but its just not working.. his cough is getting worse and he is throwing up every day every now and then.. he have not have a decent meal for the past 4 days and sometimes not eating anything at all as his throat is badly infected and he simply have no appetite when his fever is acting up.. dear and myself have been taking turns to stay home to look after him.  I on monday, wednessday and friday shift while he will be on tuesday and thursday shift..this is really disrupting our work activities as i have to push out all the meetings and even working full day from home today having back to back conference and video calls with my colleagues..

Life is getting so busy these days, as per discussed with P, i will be changing my role to take up more portfolio and delegating more stuff downwards so that i can take on more jobs.. i hope this is the right way to move as i have been in this role for 3 years already.. i just need to move on.. now i just need to convince myself that this is the right way to go.. as i will be getting more busy than ever once this new reorg structure passed management and go live in 2 months..

I will be destined to TW and SZ in july again.. for entire week again.. it pains me to leave my children at home again for entire week.. but i better get used to it as i will be travelling more in the near future..

I will be going to Sydney for meeting with my dear boss, i will be proposing to him about certain items that have been on my thoughts for some time now.  Purpose of this trip is not only to talk about goals and IDP but also about restructuring and organisation structure.. I will be putting forward some proposals regarding org changes and i hope he will accept it this time.. although i am not too optimistic about my promotion although he keep saying that he is planning for it for some time now.. 

I will be staying over a day (sat) with Ivan and Teresa and finally get to see their lil princess Raphaella in person! She looks so gorgeous in pictures on FB that everyone will bound to get jealous with Ivan and Teresa for having such lovely and gorgeous daughters always!  I won't mind having some more kids if everyone of them is guaranteed to look so good anyway! hahaha   anyway have bought a dress set for Raphaella and hope they likes it.. 

AUD is so expensive these days, even more so compared to USD.  The exchange rate i have is @ 1.354 !  which is so damn high!  Looks like i will need to cut down on my dinner next week hahaha.. monday will be a free day for us as meeting starts on a tuesday since we are travelling on AU public holiday.  Hope we get some time to shop around so that i can get something interesting for Calyce and Cepheus

Calyce just received her 2nd jab of 6-in-1 and rotar virus vaccination on monday, she never contract any fever on past vaccinations but she met with a slight fever at 38.5 on monday night whereby i gave her a dose (1ml) of paracetemol and she recovers after that. Her appetite went down abit that day but have since went back to normal these days.  Calyce continues to be sleepfed as she continues to reject milk at times when she is too wide awake.. however, her intake have improved this week as we tries to pump her more milk whenever she is sleeping haha.. she is now 6kg and 62cm at 4 months old.  Quite a long baby

I think i am getting addicted to dressing up Calyce as she just looks so pretty when dressed up and just as cute even in pyjamas! hahaha.. anyway i really do not have the time to dress her up as much as i wanted to.  I will be going away on biz trip for entire week this coming monday and i am missing Cepheus and Calyce like nuts now,  I wonder if they will still remember me when i return from my trip?  please dont forget mama! i love you! and will bring you lotsa goodies from AU!

At coming to 4 months now, Calyce is only drinking less than 700ml per day, sometimes even 500ml only and at times even lesser when she puts up a very strong fight against feeding.  I used to think that Cepheus is already very jialat as he rejects milk since young too but that is after he started on solid.  Calyce is totally different she rejects milk starting from 3 months and the situation is getting worse.  Her weight gain in pathetic and the more i see and carry her the more light i felt she is everyday.. i couldnt describe my stress and fear in any words now.

Calyce used to drink alot, at 2 months she is already drinking 120ml and she will always cry for milk, she will always wake up in the middle of the night for feed but after i went back to work, i trained her somehow to not have anymore night feeds, i will feed her at 12 to 1am and then wake up to feed her again between 5-6am.  At times when she start to whine in the middle of the night, i will just pop her pacifier into her mouth and she will return to sleep.  Not sure if this is the reason that she starts to hate milk and stop drinking it altogether.  From a baby who loves to drink milk so much (almost like an alarm clock who will ring every 3 hours sharply), she have turned into a baby who hated milk so much that she will start to frown upon seeing the milk bottle..  i really don't know what to say, maybe i will really need to start on semi solid for her earlier than usual...

I have given him my best and Calyce my best, all my times are spent on them if i am not working or sleeping or doing housework.  Whenever Calyce is asleep, i will spend all my time with Cepheus and vice versa.  It was all worthwhile.  It is a difficult time for both of us esp when Cepheus is still so small when he can already sense sibling rivalry.  However, with proper attention and care from the parents, we can always assure and reassure and ensure that our kids do not feel neglected or ignored and prevent the worst from happening.

I love Calyce and i love Cepheus the same.. be it if there will ever be abit more of one over the other.. it doesnt change any thing as i will treat them equally as much as i could and provide the best for them as best as we can

Back to work and its work work work.. getting more busy as getting more workload as well.. finally i am back to the reality part of the world after 3 months! haha.. life and brain are getting back to normal too and non stop busy busy busy whole day.. busy with work and after work busy with cepheus and calyce at night.. in the weekend its another adrenaline rush of getting housework done together with taking care of the two babies at home.. have been staying home for the past 2 weekends already as both Dear and myself have been totally shacked out esp since Calyce have not been cooperative the past nights ever since i am back to work.. it seems like she have some getting used to do too (with mommy not around in the day time and waking up at night to play with mommy.. )

My next task on my list, is to get a photobook done for our long time ago trip to Japan and Korea.  As well as developing the photos out for Baby Cepheus and Calyce (i am still contemplating if i should do a photo book for them as well).  The iCalendar that RS did for me is so nice and i have seen the photobook from YK which is nicely done up too and i am quite impressed with the quality.  Maybe i should complete my photobook of our past trips first and then see how it turns out before i decide again if i want to develop hard copies of the kids' pix or a photobook for them as well.. haha being a modern mom (although i claim to be one) i am actually very traditional at heart! i cannot risk thinking that all my precious pix are in soft copy but i need to hold hard copies of it to feel actually feel 'safe' at all.. haha.. my colleagues are very apalled at my thiking as all of them keep soft copies of their pix but i have own reasoning to do so.. probably cos i am a very low risk taker in nature and cannot bear the thought of risking my precious pix in the HDD as they can be spoilt too easily as well and gone in a flash easily.. 

Back to work and i am missing Calyce every now and then at work.  Not sure if she is missing me also that she refuse to sleep the night prior to my going back to work and also the whole of today, she just wants to stay awake thoughout and cries to be carried.  I have been almost carrying and coaxing her the entire of today and finally she is KO in bed now.. probably too tired too.  I really must find time to sort out the photos of cepheus and calyce for printing .. hope i can do that by next week..

Cepheus have been refusing to eat nowadays too, previously he is always hungry and eats alot, he can eat one big bowl of porridge or even half bowl of rice by himself.  But these two weeks, his appetite changed, and he will refuse to eat dinner, we always feed him less than half a bowl and he will cry not to eat anymore.. i am not sure what causes the change but i am suspecting if he is used to eating very little in school, i have informed his teacher to give him as much as he could eat and he is eating more than others in school too, but the portion that the school gave is small even if its a two servings.. but anyway, as what they always say, kids willl not go hungry and they will ask for food when they are, as expected, Cepheus refuse to eat dinner (eat only 1/4 bowl) but he asked for milk twice at night and have a little cake as well.. so i guess, he may be just sick at eating rice or porridge nowadays.. hopefully his appetite gets better too soon.

The thought of getting back to work tomorrow is both exciting yet tiring, back to early and late concalls as well as mandane routine work bores me.. well hopefully some changes will come along my way, esp now that i have gotten my PMP accredition, i certainly do not want it to go to waste!

Cepheus no doubt enjoyed himself but due to the hot weather and tiredness, he get cranky after awhile and keep asking me to carry him in the farm.  I have to encourage him to walk and to take part in the fun by watching the animal show and fishing and staying real close to him as he would refuse to seat alone with the other children but insists on seating with me.  

It was a real fun experience and i was so tired, i believed Cepheus too as both of us fell asleep on the way back in the school bus with him sleeping in my arms.  This is also the first time that i have brought Cepheus alone by myself without his daddy to somewhere far from our flat, normally it is just somewhere nearby or tiong bahru plaza when i am alone with him.  I quite enjoyed the bonding time together and hope to do this more often too in future too if we can afford the time :)

Cepheus enjoyed Mommy bringing him to and fetching him from school nowadays.  I have been bringing him to and fro for this week and he will keep asking me to drive him to school, he always say "mommy drive car car to school" or " mommy drive car car go home!"  sometimes when we pass by the carpark he will say "go inside" and ask me where my car is and then ask me to drive him to school, although his school is just a 10 min walk away from our home.  I am glad that Cepheus is enjoying the car ride as he will need to get used to it when i return to work from next week.

Calyce is able to hold her head up high even without me giving her much training on tummy time.  She was able to perform head lift at the clinic when she refused to do it at home previously.  I was quite surprised at how high she can actually lift! and nowadays she can even lift even higher at home when i place her on her tummy.  Guess it is natural and we shouldnt be so kiasu and too concerned about their development, children of our times are also brought up naturally and my MIL have not even heard about tummy time and all of us grew up fine just as well.. haha.. maybe i am worrying too much previously, but now being a second time mom, i am being more relax than previously, like when Calyce refuse to drink milk or drinking not as ideal now, i am not as worried as during Cepheus time, i will lament and complain but i know that she will still grow well just like Cepheus did..but sometimes i just cant help worrying and complaining too much.. guess as parents even when we know there is nothing to be worried about, we just cant help worrying!!! non stop!!! sigh..

Calyce already started on her vaccination of 6-in-1, rotavirus, and pneumoccocal vaccines.  Unlike Cepheus who would contract fever after every vaccine, Calyce so far have none.  We asked the PD and he said there is nothing to be worried about, having fever or not having fever doesnt indicate if the child is stronger or weaker, it is just a different reaction of each individual to the vaccines.  Although she doesnt have any fever, her appetite normally goes down the drain after each vaccine and will take 2-3 days to recover.. so during those days, this mommy of me, will again worry non-stop and lamenting about how little milk she is taking..hahaha.. and oh yah.. i believe very soon, Calyce will be able to flip soon as nowadays she is feeling very frustrated whenever she is on the bed as she tries to flip onto one side without success.. 加油 Calyce! Mommy believe you can do it!

Cepheus school is bringing us on an excursion tomorrow to the Pasir Ris Kids Kampong.  Really looking fwd to it and hope it will be a bright and sunny yet windy day tomorrow!

After his birthday celebration in school, we brought him to Serangoon stadium to listen to the WP rally.  I have been very happy waiting for this day to attend the rally by LTK.  However, Cepheus have to be a spoilsport for wanting to go home in the middle of the rally before LTK is out.  Anyway, its the first time i have attended such rally and its a first time in my life to vote, and i hope i made the right choice.

You have been such a joy to our lives and thank you so much for being here for daddy and mommy.  We love you!  Hope you love your Elmo cake tomorrow and have a fun time cutting cake in school!

Calyce is into her 11 weeks now and she remains as smiley as ever.  Compared to Cepheus time, Calyce is such a sweet and gentle gal who doesnt throw tantrums unneccessarily (not as yet! cross my fingers!). Well, maybe this is the difference between a girl and a boy.

Calyce at 11 weeks, she is smiley, pretty, gentle, but getting a bit lazy too.  I tried to train her on her tummy at times to lift her head up, but she simply lie on her tummy, face sideways and seems to be enjoying the position for awhile before she will struggle and we have to turn her around again.  She doesnt quite like tummy time and lifting her head up high.  Cepheus at 3 months can already lift his head up high and sat in a rocker.  But Calyce head is still not as strong and we do not dare seat her on the rocker as yet.  Her appetite remains small and continues to drink only 600ml per day.  Hopefully she can drink more after her 3 months and start to grow bigger and stronger too.

It was Cepheus first time to the beach and first time playing with sands and building sandcastles.  As he wasnt feeling well the night before and that day itself (he was coughing since saturday night) he did not really enjoy the outing as much as he should as he was extremely tired out.  However, it was a very meaningful outing for the rest of us and we plan to have such events more often in the future.  

I have been very careless in not applying any sunblock lotion for Cepheus and not taking enough care of putting Calyce out of the sun.  Calyce, Dear and myself were actually sunburnt!  whereas Cepheus was a little darker on his arms (lucky he wore long enough pants to cover his legs).  Poor Calyce was having red patches on her cheeks and forehead that freaks me out and i am so guilty over it.  I myself was burnt on the shoulders.  I applied pure aloe vera gel on Calyce face and it seems to be healing faster now.  Although Calyce did not show any discomfort over the redness (probably not as bad as i would have thought) i was still feeling so guilty that i could be so careless in not covering the window of the pram all the times at the beach that results to her 'flushy' cheeks now.  Anyway, we will be more careful in the future certainly, i will make sure Cepheus is also covered with sunblock from head to toe! and we should really avoid going to the beach during the mid day..

oh ya and one of the greatest harvest i have reaped from this trip is a few decent family photos!!

Calyce is extremely smiley and 'talkative'.  At this age of 2 months, she is always smiling at anyone who passes by her bed and will keep on 'talking' and making noises.  Whenever she woke up in the middle of the night and wee hours of the morning for milk, and she sees me turning on the lights, she will smile very happily and start to 'talk' to me.  It is so so sweet to see her face and makes the tiredness in me go away in that instance.  I hope she stays smiley and happy as always and forever.  :>

Cepheus is those 吃软不吃硬 kind of character.  when we beat him at home and he is angry, he will refuse to cry and just stare at us angrily or start to throw tantrums by throwing things around etc.  Sometimes just abit slapping on his thigh or palm which doesnt hurt at all will send him crying his eyes out.  He is not crying in pain but more of getting upset of getting scolded.  When he fall down etc or sometimes getting a tighter slap from us he doesnt even cry if he doesnt feel upset.. sometimes i wonder if he will cry in future if he is caned.. I used to think that i will start to cane him after one year old or two year old, but seeing his character, seems like caning may not help afterall and may aggravate his stubborn character.  These days kids are really so much smarter than us in olden times whereby caning means everything.  Now, Cepheus can even snatch the 'ruler' (which Ferris threaten to act as a cane at times) when he saw it on the table or in our hands and hid it behind him.. and telling us "NO NO NO".. sigh..we are going to have a tough time taking him in hand in the future i think..

Calyce appetite have not been increasing either and it makes me abit worried.  She have been drinking 100ml only for a month already and do not increase, we tried to increase it to 120ml and she seems to be able to finish it but only for a week or so.  And we have to change it back to 100ml so as not to waste the milk (esp my breastmilk!).  She have also been feeling unwell for the past few weeks and we have brought her to the doc but her block nose do not get any better esp at night.  i do not want her to be on medication as well so hope that she will build up her own immunity and then get well again soonest...

Teacher version of Cepheus in school :
1. Like an Angel
2. Very helpful to friends
3. Never snatch toys and always share toys with friends
4. Independent, feed himself, do not cry to be carried..

Mother version of Cepheus at home :
1. Like a monster
2. Always mess up things at home
3. Always snatch mommy's iPhone..
4. Always cry to be carried at home.. always want daddy or mommy to be around him..

haha what a contrast.  Nonetheless, Mommy is very proud to hear from the teacher that Cepheus is probably the best in his class in terms of flash card activities, he's got a good memory and always get rewards from the teachers.  Now i knew where he got all the stickers and stamps and 'stars' on his hands from.. hehe.. 

We also feels that Cepheus can be quite 'bo xim' in school, he doesnt tend to call out to his friends or call out their names, whereas they will always call out his name loud and clear.  Whenever we ask who it was, he will just say hi to the person and then walk away.. hmm not sure why he is so 'dao' but hope that he can kick this bad habit of his.  Anyway, as per the teacher, Cepheus is quite popular and is very sociable in school, he plays with everyone and doesn't stick to anyone in particular.

The event is very good and we spent time mingling with the teachers and other parents in school, get to see his classmates and see how they play with ea other.  The event will be held once every school term and we will get together again in July!  Looking fwd to it!

Mommy have also been sick since after confinement.  My running nose and sore throat never really go away ever since i got sick when my confinement ends.  I have been on flu and cough on and off for the past three weeks already.  Tonight is my worst night that i cough until i cannot get to sleep at all.  Not sure why but my body is deteriorating and exceptionally weak after confinement this time..

Waiting patiently for the clinic to open at 830am...

I LOVE CEPHEUS & CALYCE.. more than anyone else and anything else..and more than anyone on this earth who may love them.. the feeling is so strong that no words is good enough to describe it.. maybe LOVE is not the word at all.. it is more than LOVE itself.. it is more than my life itself..

I wonder will they love me as much when i get old and frail, when i need a helping hand, when i need someone to hug and when i need someone to feed me.. but no matter what the case maybe, i know i will still love them till the day i am gone..

Cepheus have been getting sick every month since Dec when he first went to school.. and its getting worse.. he starts to fall sick fortnightly and then weekly.. it pains me to see him feeling sick everytime but we have no choice to send him to CC as we simply cannot cope at home with Calyce on board.  I just hope that his immunity will become stronger with time and as he grows older..  Now my heart will always sink and ache whenever i receive calls from the school.. so scared..

Cepheus have been especially well behaved these days, he just needs plenty of attention esp when Calyce is around, and with that, he threw fewer tantrums as well which we are very relieve to see.  As long as we gave him the attention due to him, he is fine now with anybody who carries calyce, including Daddy and granny. :>  Hope this stays on and not just 三分钟热度.

Finally, my confinement is going to be over in another 2 days! we will be despatching cakes to our colleagues and relatives the next two days and hopefully they like it.  Cepheus will turn 2 in another 2 months time, i am thinking of what to get him and how to celebrate with him in school, i wonder if we are allowed to celebrate together with him in class on that day.  He will be so happy to have so many people singing Happy Birthday to Cepheus!  Dear and i are thinking of what to get him for his 2nd birthday. Should it be an iPad or iPod Touch?  I wanted to get him an iPod Touch as i thought it is more convenient to carry around as well as he can hold it in his hands.  iPad may be too big for him and he tends to drop our iPhone too much these days, at least i wouldnt be so xim tia if he drops the iPod Touch compared to an iPad..

Cepheus attitude towards me and Calyce is getting better by the day, today, he did not throw any tantrum when Daddy and granny sayang meimei and even came forward to kiss me and Calyce good night.  I have spent alot of effort on Cepheus, when he is home, i try not to show too much attention to Calyce, and will show him 100% of my attention (unless Calyce starts crying), i will try to rope in my MIL to help to look after Calyce as much as possible while i play and took care of Cepheus while he is home like feeding him, read him books and playing with him, so that he doesnt feel neglected.  And i can see that my efforts are not wasted as his attitude towards me and Calyce are better now, which is very encouraging to see.  I hope that things will just get better and better especially to see them grow up together.. there will be more conflicts to come and tantrums to throw for sure..

I am glad though that i am seeing improvement in his attitude towards me.  As he is getting used to seeing me carry Calyce as well as allowing me to carry him and hug hug him and play with him.  So he is accustomed to Mommy being able to take care of himself and Calyce.  However, he has yet to overcome his jealousy on allowing other people to carry Calyce including his grandpa (when he came to visit on saturday, he would keep shouting yeye when he sees grandpa carrying calyce) ..

I have to quickly change Cepheus' mind around such that he does not solely 'owns' anybody, as i will be super tired if i have to be the main caregiver for Calyce and have to take care of Cepheus at the same time.  He should carry the same attitude and thinking of the way he thinks of mommy being able to care for both of them as is anybody else. I keep telling him now that Mommy belongs to Calyce and Cepheus and both Cepheus and Calyce belongs to Mommy and Daddy too.. not just Cepheus alone.  I just hope he understands it soon..

I sat through an Elmo video with him and talk softly to him at the same time re-emphasizing that Mommy belongs to both Calyce and Cepheus.  He felt happier after that and accepted my cuddles for that moment. Then when Granny was carrying him just now when grandpa came, i tried to ask him if Mommy can carry him out to meet grandpa at the door.  He paused for a moment and finally agreed and reached out his arms to me.  I immed carried him over and kissed him and handed him over to grandpa as i am not supposed to carry him for long or at all now.  I do not want him to feel left out and i felt guilty that i did not do a good job in making him feel that he is in control of the situation since Calyce was born.  He also have been throwing tantrums more than usual these days probably due to attention seeking as well as mommy is always focusing on meimei.

I will do my best to make him understand that he haven't lost Mommy to Calyce at all and that both Mommy and Calyce will love him as much and more than before, and hopefully it works.. if it means that he needs my love and security by carrying him, i will do that too as long as that helps.. 

I cant continue on pumping as it turns out that we cannot cope with two kiddos at home.  While my MIL is busy settling the older one in the evening and night, i tried to pump with the little one beside me, but she cannot stay quiet through the 30 min and will start to whine 5-10 min into my pumping session.  As such, i have to give up my pumping and cuddle her in order to pacify her.. and since now she is getting more lazy at latching, i guess very much sooner, i will need to stop breastfeeding altogether and she will need to be on full formula feed..

Dear and I also spoke on this some time back and agreed that we may not be able to cope much on the weekends as Dear have to settle the older one and i have to settle the younger one together with household chores and cooking.  It may be better for me to stop earlier and spend more quality time with the kids than to stress over pumping of milk and getting frustrated over it ..

Maybe its time we start to take him in hand and start to setup disciplinary rules at home.  Considering Time Out may be a good option to start with..but we must persevere when we do that.. and not associate time out with crying fiercely.. which is quite an impossible task to do when my MIL is around.. as she always will give in to him when he start crying.. like what happen just now.. i keep telling her not to give in to him but she wouldnt listen.. sometimes it really is a headache when it comes to disciplining of children when there is elderly at home as their thinking and method is so passe and different from ours..

I cant help feeling guilty about sending Cepheus to school so young, at such a tender young age that he still cannot react fast enough to dangers and cant speak or express himself clearly.  I am contemplating about terminating him from his school.  Either change him to another school but again exposing him to other dangers beyond our control or should we actually get a maid to alleviate the problem?  My main focus of sending Cepheus to school initially is to allow him to learn more things, more sociable and thus happier, i do not want him to be confined within the four walls at home watching dvd and playing toys the whole day.  No doubt he has shown improvement in his speech and have learnt more things in school, is it worth it to expose him to childcare centres so early at his age?  I can tolerate if kids fight and hurt ea other for a reason, at least you can educate them the right way knowing where went wrong.  However, i just cant help feeling worried about the time bomb in his class now that can strike for no apparent reason, which is probably having a physchological problem but which is ignored by the parents for not able to identify the root cause of the issue and treat it properly.

Teacher Eunice wasnt even there when it happened but she can call up to apologise.. the girl's mom knowing the seriousness of the problem can only say I am sorry to the teacher but not to the affected parents!  I guess this is the kind of society and upbringing we are facing today.  Having sending your children to childcare centres, you must be hard hearted and be prepared that anything can happen as it is out of your control and that if the children fight or bullies ea other, the parents nowadays will not feel empathetic or even have the courtesy to call up to apologise over what have happened.  That is why children nowadays are getting more and more out of hands and of course teachers nowadays is getting harder to be and supply getting low!  As they have to be responsible for everything including the mistakes and disciplinary actions on behalf of those parents!!  All we can wish for is that our children come back in one whole everyday! with expectations of bruises, cuts and illness!

For those who are sending their children to childcare centres, do beware of class bullies who have been going around hurting other children in the class.  As there is only one PN1 class in the school, it is not possible to totally segregate the children from each other and i couldnt request for change of class except changing of the groups within the class and request for the teacher to prevent the girl from getting near my son again!  The mom despite being complained umpteen times do not even bother to call up the parents to apologise for her girl's misdeed!  You can see what kind of discipline the girl is having at home!

Since the parents is throwing the responsibilities of disciplining her girl back to the school and the school is not willing to arrange any meetup with the affected parents.  The school then needs to do more preventive actions to prevent such cases from happening again!  I really hope no other children get hurt after this case and that the school and the parents will learn a true lesson from this incident itself.  I am sure the school doesnt want all the parents to boycott or even change school for the safety of their little ones just to condone the girl's misbehaviour alone.

When papa brought him back home just now, i was still pumping milk for the baby, upon seeing his bruise i was overcome by shock and stop whatever i am doing.  I immediately called up the school and demanded that the principal called me back for explanation.  The principal is very empathetic over what have happened and assured me that they will seperate Cepheus from the girl so that she could not harm him again, and that they will also talk directly to her parents.  Although i was overcome by anger and shock just now that i actually cried over the accident (guess i was too emo after childbirth) I felt pity for the young girl though.. she must have felt neglected at home by her parents that is why she is reacting in such a way.  Parenting is a very important factor to a child's growth and behaviour.  We should never let the child felt left out or neglected just because another baby is on the way.  I am proud and happy that we have done well in this area.  During early stages, we have instil the idea of having a sibling into Cepheus' mind and have assured him that Daddy and Mommy will always love him as much as his baby sister.  Cepheus never felt any threat at all with his sister's arrival, and instead will shower her with love and always want to 'sayang' her when he came home from school.  Although he sometimes get jealous over her and refuse to let Dear carry her.  Dear will do his best to respect him and be discrete about showing too much love to Calyce in order not to let him feel left out.. esp now that i am not able to carry Cepheus due to my c-sec wound.  On my part, i will continue to shower him with kisses and hugs and play with him when he is home and reminds him that mommy always love him.  We do not scold him unneccessarily esp during this sensitive period and when sometimes he displays abit naughty or wanna poke Calyce out of curiosity, we will not scold or yell at him but will gently tell him that meimei will be pain pain and he will understand and not do it again and will try to touch her gently. We should always continue to show him with enough TLC so that he will not feel threatened over Calyce.  Dear is a great papa and continue to shower him with lotsa love and attention, not anything less even with meimei around, while i will focus on meimei's need and care.  I hope we can and will continue the way we are controlling the situation so that each of them have enough TLC from us and will not get jealous over ea other easily as they progress and grow up..

Cepheus cough seems to get worse today even after taking a full day medication yesterday and today inclusive.. Calyce have been sleeping the whole day and take in little milk.. little wonders that she will wake up for milk often during the night and become an 'owl' after that.. that is the trait of newborns that we cannot control.. i just hope that things will turn better soonest for Calyce and Cepheus could get well soon.  Cepheus skipped school today and we will put him to school tomorrow morning..hope tomorrow will be a better day for all of us.   I have not been able to do proper pumping of milk and latching of Calyce due to all the ordeals and tiredness.. my milk supply simply went down immediately due to all the stress and tiredness.. i will still continue to pump for another week.. if the supply refuse to increase.. i have decided to just skip breastfeeding and let Calyce continue on formula anyways.. as we just couldnt cope with two kiddos at the same time now..

Poor Cepheus is sick and down with cough, flu and fever.. he is fine during the day after medication but will cough non stop in his sleep which is very disturbing and makes us more heartache.  Hope he will get better tomorrow..

Now we have to be careful not to let the germs spread to Calyce as my MIL is already affected too..

Recalling what have happened for the past three days as time flies in a flash.  I started to have labor contractions and sleepless night on the 9th Feb itself after 3am.  Similar to Cepheus, both kiddos just refuse to let me have a 'painless' procedure probably knowing that i am going through c-sec.  However, both are just as guai as to come out on the planned date itself and not earlier.

I was wheeled into the OT at around 745am, as i have opted for LA (LSCS with Spinal) earlier on, i was filled with anxiety and nervousness.  After i was given the injection in the spinal, i was numbed from waist down, and when my gynae first cut me up, i just freaked out although there was no reasonable pain, but i freaked out due to the feeling of the tugging and pulling and i just cried out and shout very pain!  The anesthetist have no choice but to 'shut me up' with laughing gas which makes me 'blurred' out for awhile. And although Dear told me that i did kiss Calyce on the nose twice.. i couldnt recall anything at all.  After i was fully awake and conscious in my room, i was told that Calyce weighed a good 3.5 kg which was a big baby and that my gynae actually have problem pulling her out of my tummy due to the size and have to 'forcep' her out..

I stayed in a 2 bedder room for the first half of the day after the op and was later transferred to our one bedder as per request as when we checked in earlier, there were simply no vacancy for any one bedder except those premier wards at SGD1688 per night rate!  Staying in a one bedder was really an experience for me as when Cepheus was born, i have to stay in a 6-bedder non air con ward due to the high expensive operation costs involved.  I am so glad that we stayed in a one bedder this time, as there were so much more privacy and freedom in a one bedder compared to a shared room.  The food in Thomson was just so-so only but the best that i am missing right now is the 'papaya fish soup' that they served me everyday which was yummy!  Dear doesnt like the food at all and claims that he actually lose weight these few days as he was not fed well enough in the hospital!

The nurses at Thomson were friendly and professional as one of them actually helped me off bed and to the toilet itself and encouraged me to pee and shit on the second day itself!  But there are also certain nurses that simply 'bo-chap' with a bad attitude.. but overall, most of the nurses there are kind and helpful still.  I do not really think that they are very pro-breastfeeding as they do not really help me much in lactating this time round, compared to NUH which is very professional and pro in breastfeeding.  

Oh yah, this is also the first time in my life that i ever knew i was ever allergic to something, and its a painkiller called 'Synflex'.  I suffered from a swollen eye for good two days while on that painkiller.. Oh yah! the hospital is supposed to give me a letter noting down my allergy but they have forgotten to do that!  i am going to demand that from them tomorrow when i go down to visit Calyce.  Thinking of that.. the nurses there can be quite blur as well.. as they always forgot to give me things requested and today i even waited for 2 hours just to discharge (waiting to pay for my bill) only to be informed by the senior nurse that i can be discharged without paying first since Calyce is still in hospital and i could opt to settle the bill once and for all when she is discharged...

Hmm Cepheus is especially sticky to me these two weeks whilst i am at home.. he doesnt want my MIL when he sees me at home and always ask for Daddy when Daddy is home as well.. i am now worried that he may be upset with me for not carrying him for the next one month as i will be recovering from my wound.  I told him today that i will not be able to carry him for the next one month but he can come hug hug mommy, he said "OK!" and nodded his head.. hahaha.. i wonder if he knew what i am talking about anyway..i just hope he wont get too jealous or upset with mei mei arrival tomorrow.. we have prepared a gift for him on behalf of meimei and will be bringing it to the hospital with us to surprise him when he come visit me tmr evening.. hope he likes his new toys and will not be too bothered with the attention that meimei will be getting from everyone else..

Enough damages done for the past two weeks as i am at home supposedly 'resting' but in the end was too engrossed in 'online shopping'! hahaha.. must really curb my spending the next three months.. Dear said he was 'impressed' that i could still spend money while staying at home..hahaha.. oh well.. that's woman isnt it!

I am hoping Dear can bring Cepheus to see me every day when i am in TMC.. i will miss him terribly and i want him to see meimei also.. but it will be very xiong for Dear to bring him to and fro every day too.. wonder how we can make the arrangement as perfect as possible..

I have promised Calyce that as long as she is guai and come out as per what we have planned, i will give her a BIG Ang Bao cent for cent of what Cepheus have received this year, since she will miss out all the fun and not collecting any Ang Baos from the uncles and aunties.  I will open a seperate account for her later on so that she can start her very own savings in the future. :>

In this coming Rabbit New year, i wish that everyone i loved and around me are 

1. 幸福快乐

2. 身体健康

3. 孩子们快高长大

4. 大家出入平安

5. 财源广进

Everyone will have a safe, happy, healthy and prosperous 2011!! HUAT AH!! 发啊！！

I am seeing LA again next week and we shall see what happens by then, if he thinks i can still tahan, i think i will still tahan, if he discovered that Calyce can't wait any longer, then i will have no choice but to admit earlier even foregoing CNY.  I cant please everyone! And i have my bb safety to think of!  If anyone ends up unhappy so be it!

2. Two N Tyler shirts for V day

3. A Monogram LV wallet for our wedding Anniversary

We decided that we will not be driving to work starting from next week due to my condition, been getting very uncomfy nowadays esp with the constant hicks that kicks in whenever i drive.. and i have been kept awake nowadays nights too..due to insomnia and leg cramps... just hope that i could have a good CNY celebration this year too!

However, i am feeling strange that how come my gynae is still not seeing me weekly, as he schedules my next appt on the 37 weeks instead of 36 weeks.. anyway we'll see what happen next week, i still need to ask him about the delivery charges before making up my mind on what type of room i intend to take up at TMC for my delivery.

2. Getting ligation done.  

3. Getting my PMP certification!

4. Do minimum housework.

5. Spend more time with my own family, since the birth of Cepheus i have been spending less time with my beloved family, must make effort to visit them more often.  

6. Live for myself! Make time for myself!  I am LER Siow Ping!

7. Get a LIFE!!!! The LER shall strive!!!

counting down to 6 weeks to Calyce birth.. excited as well as stress and worried... stress over how i can cope with housework and juggling between breast feeding and the two kids in the coming months.. and most importantly, how Cepheus will feel when Calyce is out.  I do not want him to feel neglected or threatened with Calyce's birth.  And i want him to learn how to love his sister.. however, i somehow feel that he is just too young to understand all this.  He is really an attention seeker these days, and if he doesnt get what he wanted, he will just lie down on the floor and cry..(wonder where he get this pattern from anyway..) and made us give in to him.  He still demands to be carried by me despite me telling him that i couldnt as my tummy is getting really big and painful.. but he just simply doesnt care.. i am just worried that after my c-sec operation, i may not be able to carry him for some time, and he may feel neglected or feel that i do not love him anymore and only wants meimei .. this may then cause him to feel unhappy and a drift between him and his sister.. 

i really hope i am thinking too much like what my friends are saying and that everything will just turn out to be fine.. i don't want to feel guilty towards Cepheus by having a little sister for him.. as in the first place, i have decided to have another child because of him in consideration as well, as i do not want him to grow up being a loner without siblings..hope he understands Mommy..

Cepheus couldnt wait to open his presents when we got home.. papa only wanted to take a picture of him with the presents but he went ahead to unwrap them..hahaha.. he was so excited over the toys that Mommy have to keep some of them at bay as he already have too much toys around.. Mommy will slowly give him the toys as time passes.. when he learnt how to play with them correctly..

I was abit worried that we have to cancel the trip today as Cepheus is very sick for the past one week.. However, he starts to show improvement on Saturday and today we decided that we will go ahead with the excursion!  We arrive around 11am at the USS and begins our tour.. What is a pity is that Preggies are not allowed in ANY of the rides, not even on kiddy rides.. Cepheus is not able to get on any too as the minimum height for children is 92 cm.. hohoho.. anyway he is too scared of all those things he saw to cry for rides.. 

We walked for a good 3 hours in the USS and took a good look at what kind of rides they have, took many pictures with the Universal Studios characters (including Kung Fu Panda, Madagascar, Marilyn Monroe, Betty Boop etc..), and of course not forgetting to get souvenirs from the retail outlets!  hahaha.. nonetheless it was a tiring and rewarding afternoon as everyone enjoyed ourselves fully...

Dear and I decided that after i gave birth and before i go back to work in May 2011, both of us are going to come here once more to take all the rides and enjoy ourselves truly hahaha..here are some pictures to share!

Cepheus is so damn sticky to his daddy that i am getting buay tahan at times, unless daddy not around, he is ok to stick with me, but if he knew that daddy is in the house, he will demand that daddy carry him and play with him, this makes us both very pek chek and daddy cant get proper rest whenever he did that and mommy also felt hurt at times.. there is only one person who can substitute big daddy that is Daddy's Daddy himself.. Cepheus granddaddy.. he sticks to his grandpa like bee is to honey when my FIL came over to visit him and immediately, he will go to his grandpa and stop bothering his big daddy.. There is a similar trait in the Chia family male genes.. that is all the young kids just loves to stick to them.  According to my FIL, once a kid prefers someone, he/she will stick to him at all costs, but this will change as they gets older and their needs start to change as well..  i guess the chia males is just more patience than the rest of us.. i don't see them getting angry at the kids whenever they are unreasonable or kick up a fuss for nothing, if its me, i would have given them a slap long time ago.. but both my FIL and Dear Dear will continue to be patient and let Cepheus throw his tantrums.. is it considered pampering or what?  My MIL used to say that Cepheus is spoilt by Dear Dear and thus follows Dear around.. i am also not sure if its a good or bad sign, definitely not good when we cannot decide on the one right way to treat Cepheus so at times me and my MIL will tend to enforce Cepheus to do things but Dear will always say don't force don't force.. i guess from the male standpoint, is they simply bo chap and as long as the kid is happy just let him be.. but from us female perspective, we are too perfectionist and wanted the best for our kids.. so we tend to enforce.. and the result is.. they are most often turned off by us and become 反感..

That day Dear and myself brought Cepheus down to the supermarket to buy some groceries, and because i spent more than a certain amount, i was supposed to get some 'stickers' as well as eligible to take part in a lucky draw.  I did not request for the stickers from the cashier but an auntie came forward to me to ask me for it.  So i ask the cashier for it to be given to the auntie.  The auntie then thanked me and reminded me to take part in the lucky draw and even wished me good luck!

And true enough, it appears that we are in good luck afterall.. The Choice vouchers should be able to use in 7-11, Giant, Cold Storage and Shop and Save.  And it just came in handy with the second baby due soon, we will need to stock up on pampers, milk powders, and other household items.  This is simply great!  What a birthday gift or its really 好心有好报！

monday - running nose with cough, still go to school

tuesday - running nose with cough, still go to school

wednessday - fever, skip school

thursday - mild fever in the morning plus diarrhea 4 times in the day, skip school

Cepheus only been to school for less than two weeks and he is already sick for one week..i really hope he can recover by tomorrow.  

2. Cepheus starts to take in milk.. and will ask for milk occassionally... we are used to him not wanting any milk at home, and stopped feeding him even, only my MIL will try to force him to drink and it takes ages for him to finish a bottle.  But now, Cepheus is taking milk everyday in school, and even asks for it occasionally over the weekends when we do not give ..

3. Cepheus sleeps earlier at night, as he is only sleeping around 2 hours in school, he tends to sleep early at home, around 930am and he will be in dream land.. and will wake up around 730am to 8am in the morning.  This continues over the weekend, which makes our time planning much easier too..

4. Cepheus get to have waterplay every friday now, previously we tried to bring him to the safra pool diligently but papa is always so lazy and ends up Cepheus doesnt have much chance with the pool.  But now, he have a chance at waterplay every friday and will hopefully get used to waterplay very soon and enjoys it..

5. Cepheus will get to sing and dance in school, improve his social skills and play with other kids and learn more things in school compared to just watching DVDs at home..

6. The childcare centre will also train the kids on showering in the shower, toilet training (when he turns 2), overcome pacifier and so on.. I am looking forward to his toilet training in fact!

Cepheus manage to finish one serving of rice every day in school plus fruits as well! papaya and honeydew! however the one serving is actually only half a small bowl of rice with soup.. compared to what he eats at home.. i wonder if he will be hungry pretty soon, maybe that is why he drinks his milk in school though.. i ask the teacher to feed him more lunch as he always come home hungry and ask for food when he is home.. and i also start to prepare him with two servings of milk at 150ml each to see if he will finish them in school as according to the teacher the 120ml doesnt seem to be enough for him.. i have a feeling that he is just not eating enough in school ...

According to teacher Esther, Cepheus still cries on and off in school, however have started to play and stop crying during play time and lunch time.. so its a good start afterall.. hopefully he can quickly get over the trauma and adapt to school soon.

Dear bought a replacement Brownie for Cepheus last night, as he was crying for his 'Bear Bear' when i took it to wash on saturday morning and refuse to sleep without it.. However, Cepheus is very smart to know that it is a different bear afterall and refuse to hug  the new one to bed.. and keep crying for his original one. hahaha how naive can we get that we thought by buying him a new one he wont be able to see the difference?  the texture, colour and even smell is different la.. hahaha

Since the childcare experience on friday, Cepheus have been acting extremely sticky and cranky over this Sat and Sun itself.  He is always crying for attention and cannot be left alone even at home.. he will cry for papa when only Mommy is around or cry for Mommy when Papa carries him.. he is ensuring that both of us are within his sight all the time.. its so unlike him since most of the time, he just needs either one of us to be in sight previously.. and throughout Sat and Sun, not only we need to be in sight, he needs to be carried all the time even in home premise.. he will always say '抱抱' and will cry if we doesnt carry him..

Suspected to be the post experience of the childcare centre incident.. we tried to give in to him all the time and give him whatever he wanted.. always reassuring him that he is our only beloved at this moment.. 

And now he have been crying in his sleep.. i cannot imagine what will happen tomorrow morning.. how to get him to the centre at all.. i am thinking he may not even want to step into there and will start crying at the doorstep already.. really 'xim tia' just to think of it..

After breakfast, Dear went ahead to go home whilst me and my MIL went back to take a look, they are having waterplay today, and Cepheus upon seeing me nearby again cries for me but the teacher grab him away to the pool... we hid behind a wall near the pool to monitor the situation.  The teachers were very attentive to him and carried him all the way while they were changing at the pool as Cepheus couldnt stop crying.. i felt so guilty at that moment for making him cry.. as he wasnt crying until he saw me.. Cepheus was crying at the pool until he gets into the water and the teacher managed to make him enjoy the waterplay.  He keep grabbing the teacher's hands and walk up and down the pool.. all the kids seems to enjoy themselves very much.

Anyway this time i am adamant not to let Cepheus see me again when he gets out of the pool.. from the time out of the pool, Cepheus started crying again all the way back into the centre for bathing.. i dare not go into the centre for fear that he will see me.. one parent told me that my son was crying so madly from the pool to the bathroom and it was really bad.. i sat at the sofa inside the centre away from the bathroom when my MIL went home... and i got a shock when Cepheus suddenly ran out from the bathroom and to the gate where the sofa is and saw me! immediately he cried for me again and keep shouting 'mama mama mama...' i dare not carry him or go near him for fear that it may cause him to cry even more so i told him Daddy and Mommy going home now and waved bye bye to him..i felt so guilty at that point in time that i did not even carry him to console him for awhile..

i hid outside the centre and peeped through the glass door and keep seeing Cepheus following behind the teacher shouting papa papa papa and crying away.. it makes my heart ache so much that my tears just dropped endlessly.  The centre staff saw me and ask me to go home and come back later as it makes things worse for both of us.. but i am determined to stay until he finishes his lunch..

I did not manage to see Cepheus after that as i couldnt see him anymore from the corner where i was standing.. i could hear another girl shouting for mama mama mama.. and it just makes my heart melt.. poor kids.. are we as parents so cruel or what?? anyway, the teacher saw me behind the door and came out to greet me again.  She told me that if i were to let my son see me again then i should take him home, else it makes matters worse as letting him see me is as good as letting him have the false impression that i am bringing him home.. and it will make him cry even more when i do otherwise.. i realised my mistake and told the teacher that i am going home now and i will come at 5pm.. and this time.. i really go home..

Dear and myself went to toysrus again to shop for xmas pressies for the kids for April's xmas party.  And i bought a small kitchenette for Cepheus he already have tons of toys at home but this is one that i promised him i would get him and so i did.. just that i did not get the big one but jsut a mini one due to space constraints of our home as i just bought a table and chair set for him last night... there is really no more place for a decent large kitchenette for now..

We went back at 5pm to pick Cepheus up.  And the moment he saw me, he started to cry again and then keep saying 'bye bye' to the teacher and flying kisses everywhere.. he couldnt wait to get out of that place.. i hugged him so hard and kissed him so hard before he would stop crying.. The teacher said that he performed quite well today as he did not cry throughout the entire day unlike other kids does.  She even showed me pictures and a video of Cepheus playing with the kids and posing to the camera.  She said that Cepheus only cry when he is reminded of us.. like when the teacher said 'wash hands' (cos we always bring him to wash hand at home) or when he pass by the main gate and will start to point to the gate and shout for papa and mama.. other than that.. once he is distracted, he actually is quite well behaved and can mingle well with the other kids.. he finishes his lunch (whilst crying), eats papaya, drinks his milk, took a 2 hour nap, eat his snack (pizza bread) and drinks water.. one thing that i forgot to ask is how he behave during shower though as he is used to using tub at home.. i will bear in mind on monday to ask that..

Cepheus came home with swollen eyes and we were all so 'xim tia' but we know that it is inevitable so..all we could do is to keep him company shower him with lotsa love and keep sayang him at home, let him do whatever he wanted to today to keep him happy.. he was unhappy at first but was later very happy playing with daddy and mommy as well as watching his favourite Elmo video.. and he is now sleeping soundly.. i just hope that he doesnt get nightmares tonight..

Cepheus was very happy in the morning when he first saw so many children in the centre, he tried to mingle with them, but as time gets longer, he started to get bored, and near to lunch time, he started to cry for sleep.. his routine is completed screwed, as his morning nap time now is the centre's lunch time.  But i still managed to feed him and made him finish his meal before we send him to bathe.. before the teacher could do anything, he was already crying like mad.  We quickly took him home thereafter.. he slept for a good 4 hours today in the afternoon at home..

As i have so many concerns and worries, we started with half day today but the principal actually advises me to put him to full day starting tomorrow, as the more we drag, the less good it does for him as it will take him longer time to adapt.  "Let the teacher manage him.. if we cannot manage him, we will call you, no worries.." its easier said than done.. how could we leave him alone and not worry??  I felt so guilty leaving Cepheus in the centre alone.. although he looks happy today but it was because everything is so new to him.. it hurts me to think that he actually does not know that papa and mama is going to leave him there by himself tomorrow.. how cruel can we be...

Cepheus used to dislike me reading him stories, as i tend to read word for word from the storybook, but April advised me to create my own stories from the pictures and recently i also added in exaggerated actions and voice pitches when telling him stories that he is beginning to enjoy it and will ask me for more everytime i finish a story!  he will go 'book book book' and when i finish 'no more no more no more'..and then more 'book book book'.. he will seat down attentively and look at the pictures and me when i am telling him the stories.. am glad that he enjoyed it as i find it quite tiring having to make up the words from my mind as well coupling it with lotsa actions at the same time..

Visited LA again yesterday, my EDD is still at 10th Feb 2011 as he said, and since i am going to c-sec i can give birth anytime from 25th January onwards! which is exactly 2 months from now!  I asked for natural birth, but he simply tell me not to risk it as i am only going to have 2 kids and not intending to have more.  As i will have a up to 10% chance of the baby dying if my interior rupture due to the previous c-sec 18 months ago.. i felt so sad and demotivated after that.. i really do not want to go through the pain of c-sec once again.. but then.. this will be my last pregnancy, i don't want to risk it also.. and i have to make sure that i do not have to go through this pain again!  Dear you heard it!

I asked for c-sec after CNY, which is just a week away from my EDD date.. but LA again advised against it as it will potentially become an emergency c-sec if i go into labour before my c-sec date.. and again risking the life of me and my baby.. Cepheus was born at 38 weeks.. and i went into labour the same day as my c-sec date for Cepheus so LA is cautious not to have me going into labour before my c-sec again and suggested that i should have it in late january to be safe...anyway i think by next month we will come to a conclusion of when my baby will be out via c-sec.. there goes my hope of having a baby rabbit...

Cepheus is sick on sunday again, as he starts to cough badly and contracted mild flu.. mommy and daddy were both infected and now mommy is sneezing and coughing hard in the office.. will be bringing Cepheus to the PD again tonight.. He needs to build up his health as he will be going to childcare next thursday! oh am i excited!

Yesterday was a public holiday, and we took Cepheus to April's place again for a swim and to play with his cousins.. again, there are so many playmates to keep him occupied that he was so happy the entire day, swimming, watching tv and playing with all the kids in the playroom together with us.  He was so disciplined.. and ya he was so 'guai' and well disciplined that everyone told me that what a good boy he was! but then he turned into a monster at night when we return home.. Dear attribute it to lost of playmates and boredom, poor Cepheus, very soon, little sister is going to come out and keep you company and you won't find it bored anymore!

Having a child means sacrificing your freedom, time, sleep, energy and even some luxuries and so on.. sometimes i wonder if its really worth it.. actually if you have a partner who gave out as much as you do, maybe you will feel that everything is worth it.. just like April, Pei yi and Aiyan, they are ones who are so engrossed with their children and family and everything seems perfect for them that keep having children sounds like a blessing to them that sometimes i really feel if this is the right kind of life for me, as i am unlike them.. they have the every support they need from every angle they can find, be it spouse, family or career.. or was it just all mental?  Maybe they are just born with mother instinct that can help them overcome all issues that nothing seems to be an issue for them somehow..

Knowing that having children is not easy esp that you may not have the same kind of support that you may wish you have, i still went ahead to conceive Calyce (the name given by her father).  Knowing that life is going to be tougher and more responsibilities that i will be tasked to shoulder on.  After having Cepheus, i know that this is not quite the kind of life that i will enjoy but seeing Cepheus growing up and enjoying his partnership is another stepping stone for me to make towards that big decision of having a Number 2.  The main reason is to give him a companion.. 

But i am really getting very worried and sometimes even depressed seeing the current situation i am being put into.  I know that by making this decision i have the greatest responsibilities towards my children because i am ultimately the one who gave birth to them.. but i somehow already knew that i will have problem coping and living with it.. and i have been pondering if this is really the right path for me and if i will be happy with it, wondering if this is really the right choice for me, but albeit all is too late now.. people may see me as the soccer mum (multi-tasking, able to cope with family and career, can accomplish alot of things at same time) but is this true from within?  i am really just a tired and exhausted old lady from within although appearing tough and energetic on the front.  i am not the perfect mother or wife but i tried my best to give my all to this family, all my time and energy, but somehow, if you keep thinking that you are always the one giving out too much, you will get depressed and disheartened some day.. and some day i don't know what i will do ...  

Well, i hope i can be in time to take the exam before my maternity starts as i doubt that i will have time and the brains to study for it after i give birth.. and its always better to take the exam while it is still fresh in your mind than later right..

He is still feeling well yes'day although he already have a fever last night but he is still running around and laughing happily.. only from this afternoon according to my MIL that his fever came back (subsided in the morning) again and he became cranky the fussy the whole day.. cannot sleep, cannot eat, except keep drinking alot of water only.. at least he still takes in water ya.. so is that supposed to be a consolation?

Cepheus just taken his MMRV (MMR with chicken pox, 4-in-1) jab last friday, and the PD already warned me of the impending fever that he may have (to watch out the first 3 days, first week and the first month). it is now only 5 days after his jab.. i think it is also escalated by his teething condition.  His upper tooth finally is showing up! and its not just 2 but we think its either 4 or more than that.. he have not been teething for more than 6 months and we heard that if he started teething again, it may just jolly well come together.. sigh.. i guess that is what is aggravating his fever.. jabs and teething and all..

i just hope that he will get well tomorrow and stop fussing around.. as he cant stop crying and its really xim tia for us to see him behaving like that.. i felt so helpless.. but i managed to carry him to sleep in my arms just now (after applying the teething gel on his pacifier and sticking the Kool on his forehead).. and i felt comforted that he is at least now sleeping comfortably on my bed..

Finally Yanting got hitched officially on 2nd October with Erwin, she was the third in our JC gang to get married (Audrey being the first, me second and she third), still pending Yihui to walk down the aisle with her 'white horse prince'.  So happy for Yanting that she finally got married with someone whom she really deserves someone whom will love her and takes care of her.  I hope she will be beautiful and happy always! next in line is Yihui, i hope that she will find the man of her dreams fast too and get hitched! i cant wait to give her Ang Bao for her wedding! haha..

Cepheus threw up again this afternoon while i am feeding him his porridge, he didnt finish his milk this morning but finish a big bowl of cereal.  We were afraid that he will be hungry in the afternoon since he didnt finish his lunch as well, and thought that we can give him bread later on, however, when he sees his dad eating his favourite weekend treat (his daddy's fav is now ROAST DUCK DRUMSTICK RICE, which he would not fail to eat every weekend), he wanted to eat as well, so we scoop some rice and shred some duck meat for him to go with.  And surprisingly, Cepheus finish everything without throwing up and he actually tries to bite as he eats it.

I think he keep throwing up on porridge is because he is just too lazy to bite when we give him something watery, he will just swallow everything on the spoon and in the end often end up choking, however, to swallow a mouthful of rice is not easy for an adult as it is so dry, let alone a baby, so when Cepheus is eating rice or biscuits, he will try to chew and disolve the items with his saliva to soften the food first before swallowing, that is why, he seldom choke on hard food but instead always choke on soft or watery food.. however, giving him rice is not an option currently, although we do give him a few mouthfuls every night now when we have our dinner at home, as he doesnt have enough teeth to chew on the vege, meat etc.. so its still easier to prepare porridge for him, but have to be careful of his choking and swallowing at the same time on his porridge... 

After realising that a cabby actually slaps a pregnant woman a few months back at Toa payoh and cause her miscarriage but only get 6 weeks jail.  This really pisses me off.  This cabbies are heartless and a road hazard!  they should be banned off the road and not deserve even any job!  next time i will make sure i keep my mobile on my dashboard and if i met with such an idiot again, i am going to take down picture of his license plate and picture and make sure i lodge complain to the taxi co letting him lose his job!

Finally its over! no more decayed tooth! no more wisdom tooth! i already extracted two wisdoms and a molar, i hope that i will not need to do any extraction ever again!  No more toothache ever again!

However, the 2nd wave is coming.. the anesthesia is wearing off slowly now and i can feel a sharp pain near my throat and jaw.. oh no... i really hope this will be over soon.. i better take my panadol first!

Dear bought him a battery operated motorbike which he lacks the courage to ride on it yet and Dear is so disappointed.. but i guess he is just too young for such toys.. I wanted to get him a kitchen centre too so that he can learn to pretend play and role play.. hmm.. but we couldnt make up our mind on which set we should buy him.. initially Daddy was so adamant on not buying him the kitchen set as he thinks kitchen are only for girls.. now then i realise how conservative daddy is despite him looking so modern and always claim himself to be modern dad.. in the end i have to get April to convince him that it is perfectly fine for boys to play with such toys too.. kitchen are not just confined to girls!  Anyway, the set that we are interested in (as the other set on sale is too big for our home) have no sale today, so we decided to shelf it first and come back another day when there is sale or at a later time since there is no hurry now.. anyway i don't foresee that Cepheus will be able to appreciate the big toys at the moment yet as he just keep throwing things around still instead of putting things in place.. i intend to get him before he go to school which is year end though.. enough time for me to clear out some of the things at home to make place for new toys.. i am so excited at the thought of playing it with him though!  we don't have such luxurious toys in our time!!!!

last time when i told him to 'hug hug' or 'sayang' he will obediently comply but recently, he just bo chap me altogether.. and only sayang and hug one person which is his idol daddy!  even when daddy is not at home, then he will stick to me.. but also refuse to sayang me .. i really wonder why.. are you 吃软不吃硬？must i revert back to constant scolding then you will realise my existence?

But with the tummy getting bigger each day, its so big now that it looks like 6 mths rather than 4.. I am getting easily tired and I cant carry Cepheus for long.. and i cant keep up with his playing running about for long too.. wonder if that is the reason that he finds me boring now.. and refuse to come close..

Just now, i am so sad that even when daddy ask him to 'sayang' me he still bo chap and my tears just fell down, not with anger but overcome with sadness.. when Cepheus saw me crying.. he then walk towards me and 'sayang' me thrice on my forehead and then stayed quietly by my side looking at me smiling.. until he saw me smile and then quickly ran away again to play .. i so much wanted to hug him tight tight and tell him i love him so!  But no matter what i do now, he won't appreciate at all.. i felt that he doesnt love me at all. I am such a failure..

i tried to 'sleepfeed' him again but in vain.  Again he reject milk and reject to suck even when he is 'sleeping'.. i wonder is it a ploy at all.. for us to stop sleep feeding him and then start to feed him by cup and then all of a sudden, he refuse milk altogether.  Now we can neither sleep feed him or feed him when he is awake.  Ridiculous!  I am not going to waste time on you anymore!

Cepheus' intake of milk have increased back to normal the past few days by drinking from the straw cup. From 80ml to 100ml to 150ml per time now.  At least now we do not need to sleep feed him and he have a good decent peaceful sleep all he wants.  And he drinks pretty fast from the cup too, compared to sleep feeding, whereby he can take as much as 30 min just to finish 100ml sometimes.. which makes my arms aching after every feed... hahaha.. now feeding Cepheus is more relaxed, as he will cue to us if he wants to drink or eat and we will just feed accordingly.. Kudos Cepheus! Thanks for being a good boy! Mommy loves you muchie!

Well, the pros of having a boy is that i do not intend to spend much on the second boy since there are lotsa pass me downs from Cepheus!  But now that it's a girl! whats the next action to take?? SHOPPING!!! kekeke.. its time for spending again!

Next month will be the detailed scan already at 5th month... hopefully the scan did by Dr Ang today is correct and that it is indeed a girl.. however, even if its a boy, no worries, cos mummy will still love ya! and you can fight with your elder brother!

Having a girl have its pros and cons too, having to worry about the growing up is the most stressful and worrying part for having a girl.. compared to a boy .. who can be more garang..

well well well.. its going to be a girl and mummy will be busy dolling you up!  it will be fun to see a little ferris and a little xiaoping running around in the house very soon! kekekeke

Life is so vulnerable, you do not know what will happen next moment, minute, hour, and tomorrow.  So what if you have been a millionaire.. so what if you have loads of assets or fame under your name.. you may not have truly lived your life and before you know it.. you are gone.. or you may have missed your loved ones.. 

so many things happened recently, natural disasters or man-made tragedy.. it just opens up my mind that having truly lived your life.. having truly loved and being truly happy being with your loved ones are what matters which is above everything else.. having health and happiness is something that nothing, money, diamond nor gold can buy.. live every day as if there is no tomorrow.. love everyday like you have never before.. it sounds so true.. but its something so hard to attain and carry out in our daily busy bee like lives.. 

And my heart goes to all those survivors and those who were not spared in this ordeal, it is the mistake of the government, mistake of human kind that lead to such a tragedy.  May they all rest in peace...

Went to the dentist just now, just go to visit any at the telok blangah rise blk 35 clinic since my normal dental appointment is all full this week.  The dentist seeing me for the first time and seeing that i am pregnant somemore, dare not give me any medication, take any x-ray or do anything to me.  All he did was to give me some 'valuable' advice on that i should not try to do anything now that i am pregnant, and tell me to continue to take in panadol to ease the pain!  What a waste of time! If panadol can solve the problem, why would i have rushed all the way from the office to see him!  I came back all the way just because i broke out into cold sweat in the morning when the pain was so intolerable again.  But yet all i gain is a piece of 'advice' from the doctor who dare not take any responsibility enough to prescribe me any painkillers or antibiotics or do anything to me.

Should i just wait till the baby is out then i go for surgery?  Will speak to my gynae, Lawrence Ang this friday and see what he suggest before i take the next step.

A non air con, open concept school, with a big open air playground in the middle of the premise.  As it was raining earlier in the morning when we visited the school, we can see how messy the school is, due to the open space of the school, i believe the rain somehow splash into the building and the corridors of the classrooms, and you have to walk a big round the class room but you cant avoid getting wet if you happens to be walking at the corridor and met with a heavy downpour.

Principal seems very rush to bring us through the cirriculum and school and the air was very stuffy in there. Although she mentioned that there were already 15 parents on waiting list.  It was already a NO NO, not an ideal choice for our kids in our minds.

2. Cherie Hearts @ Bukit Purmei

It was a shock to us, the centre was beneath the HDB block, poorly ventilated (coupled with the upgrading works in place), walls in the centre were not painted properly, centre seems to be dirty, dark and stuffy, also non-aircon, we wanted to get out of that place soon after we reached.  But principal is a very kind and patient lady who keep talking to us and entertaining our queries.  Teachers are mostly Philipinos and PRCs. The auntie who cook there looks abit untidy and fierce, kitchen seems to be 'not so clean' and the toilet and bathroom were beyond our imagination (no doors only shower curtains separating the toilets from the classroom!

3. Eager Beavers @ Bukit Merah Swimming Complex

A very nice place with nice friendly teachers and well ventilated environment, fully air-conditioned, with their own classrooms for every different levels and classes.  Two storeys in the centre (first storey for toddlers), and second for older children.  Have their own outdoor playground and a big centralised eating area (so you do not mess with the food in the classroom).  As it is situated in the swimming complex, once the swimming complex is done with renovation, the kids will even get to have water play at the swimming pool.  The cirriculum looks attractive with optional lessons on drama and speech, music etc. Kindergarten classrooms are neat and well decorated.  Price is reasonable and attractive too.

4. Cherie Hearts @ The Bay

This was the most satisfied centre so far we have seen, with nice teacher, director, pupils seems very disciplined and well organised, with a large space as they are expanding, with infant care and the we saw the students dancing as well, everyone seems to be enjoying and is happy at the centre, centre is very clean and hygenic and the care givers looks very professional and friendly too.  However, there is no outdoor activities as they are situated in a commercial building, they have inhouse playground though in the fully air-conditioned premise.  The minus point is that it is too pricey, almost 1k before any subsidy.

5. NurtureStar @ Mt Faber Safra

This is the second time we visited the centre, it is only open for eight months after taking over from eager beaver's premise, they follow the cirriculum of Kinderland and the cirriculum seems to have changed. They now allow waterplay in the safra swimming club.  And although they have their own outdoor playground, they will also bring students out to the club's premise for a walk or the playground in the club's premise too.  Fully air conditioned, well ventilated and clean with young teachers.  They seem professional and friendly and attentive to the students.  Centre is very strict on hygiene and do not allow unneccessary people into the premise not even parents who are picking up their children.  The centre is big enough for 90 students and has yet to be fully occupied.  Price is a bit pricey but as a Safra member we do enjoy discounts and on comparison of the environment, it is on par with eager beaver.  However, it still beats EB due to the strategic location, within walking distance from our block and it will be easier for us to pick him up after work or even if we need my MIL to pick him up earlier after school.  The centre customer service lady told us that we should still be in time to register him for Dec or Jan intake, however they do not allow for early registration as they strictly take on first come first serve basis three months prior to the entry date.  

At first we have agreed to let Cepheus go Childcare only in January just before my second one is due in Feb.  However, after talking to the persons in charge in NurtureStar and Cherie Hearts @ The Bay, both recommended that we should let him join earlier in Dec so as to let him have more time to familiarise himself with the surroundings as they can cry up to a month or two after joining.  And the most crucial point is that we should not send him just before or even after his sibling is just born so as not to let him have a sense of abandonment that he was sent away just because of the arrival of the young one.

I hope my blood test turns out to be normal.. maybe because just like what the GP say, this second pregnancy is making me weaker.. 

now we are in headache of two choices:

1. to put Cepheus to school in January or

2. to hire a confinement lady during CNY and send cepheus to school only in April

I am now shortlisting schools for Cepheus and will be visiting the schools next week.  The nearby CC that i have shortlisted are Cherie hearts merryland and Cherie hearts @ depot. Lets see how Cepheus react next week at the CC after the visit before we make up our mind..

why do we get upset over lose of money opportunity?  YK mentioned today that in TW there exist a couple who strike a 4 mil lottery, and took a month to decide if they should collect the money.. why are there people who gets upset over not striking lottery whereas there are actually people who have to struggle and think for so long to collect their prize money despite having won it?  The reason why they did not collect the prize money earlier was because they have heard too much sad stories over the plight of people who won lottery, surrounded by hypocrites, murdered for money, cheated and dying young for striking rich suddenly..  RS mentioned that if the return is a sad ending for him then he rather do without striking the lottery and slog his life away in peace and harmony with his little family happily for the rest of his life.. there are those who are so easily contented and those who are continuously struggling to fight hard to earn more.  Why do i love money so much?  because of circumstances, i dread of being poor.. i am scared of being poor, the thought of being poor, and no money to pay for bills, for food, constantly being hounded by money lenders and being sick but with no money for medical bills worries me, especially when i am constantly surrounded by money lovers, who treats money above anything else.. i dread of being poor and looked down by people, i dread of being poor and penniless and knowing that there is nobody i can turn to if anything were to happen to me or my child.. I dread to think that i have nothing or legacy to leave to my child, i dread to imagine that he will be left with poverty when i am gone.. and that was exactly the reason why i did not encourage to have a kid for the longest time.. i dread my life of being constantly poor... what more can i dread than being poor?  well still BEING POOR!!!

Today, we brought him out to the neighbourhood to walk around and he was even more elated than yesterday.  He would walk repeatedly around a specific corner esp when there are staircases, whereby he will walk up and down the stairs repeatedly until Daddy carries him away.  He will also insists that both of us hold him by each of his hands and refused to let go until Mommy tells him to only hold on to one person, so that he can learn to walk more steadily on his own.. and he chose his Daddy to hold on.. hahaha but it was more relax for me in that case and i do not need to always 'bend' down my body as it was really tiring since he wasnt tall enough for us to hold on with our body straighten up..

Cepheus is very smart boy, he knew that wearing shoes means going out.  We brought him to Dear's granny's place last night after shopping and to my Dad's place tonight and when Cepheus gets tired of the area, he will point to his daddy and wanting to put his shoe on.  Once he have his shoes on, he will keep pointing to the door telling us he wanted to leave and go home..it was pretty amazing seeing him do that as he already associate wearing shoes with 'leaving' and 'getting out of the place'..

There will be more to come as Cepheus slowly discover his new found freedom on walking.. he already displayed authoritativeness tonight when he refused to go in our direction but his own direction and Daddy needs to carry him away so as to make him comply..of course he complied not without putting up a struggle and screams.. but it was really cute seeing him behaving that way.. well.. maybe not so cute after awhile more.. when he starts to run about and behaving like a spolit child in public in the near future..

I started to develop rashes on the top of my right palm since yesterday, it was mild at first but it got worse today and i found that it have somehow started to spread to my left hand and other parts of my body.  When i was pregnant with Cepheus a year ago, things wasnt that bad.. although i have a history of ezcema, the rashes wasnt this bad especially after medication and were only confined to the legs.  However, this time, the rashes seems to have got worse and spread to my hands as well as the legs.. I cant imagine the itch getting worse as it goes on and i already cant get to sleep tonight (so might as well watch the final of Spain vs Holland! Dear is watching it now as i am typing this and i heard someone screaming!!! Holland NEARLY scored..but only nearly..) .. tomorrow i shall see a doc and hopefully i can get some medication to apply to control the rash and itch from getting worse and best is to eliminate it totally!

This trip was generally nice, weather was nice and cooling, people are courteous and polite except that the shops here close really early.  They normally close at 6pm except for Thur and Fri whereby they have extended shopping hours till 8pm, at the bigger outlets like Pennys and DunneStore.  Things were cheap and we couldnt stop buying.  But i told Swati and Angeline to curb their purchasing, as they were due to Cupertino in October, and there are where the real shopping lies, Gilroy, factory outlets as well as the Great Mall!  For the same prices in USD, you can get Osh Gosh, Carters, Polos etc... So they are saving their lasts for the Oct trip hahaha.. but their luggage are already almost busted with all the things they bought these two days.  

Three women makes up a market and it seems to be true enough!  We cant stop gossiping about people, work, bosses and so on!  This was an interesting trip as both the ladies were open and fun to travel with! Too bad i wouldnt be able to make it for the October trip as i don't think i can make it through over 20 hours of flight to US in my current condition.  I have already been having giddy spells, motion sickness and nauseats durng my stay here.  Now i am quite worried about the domestic flight to london tomorrow..hope everything went well for me..pray hard..

It is 9pm in Cork now but its still bright and sunny.  The sun will only go down around 10-11pm during the summer time.  The hotel room i get is the lousiest, with the opposite just facing a block of office buildings and you can actually see other from the office into the hotel room.  Angeline's view is the best, facing the river (just like clarke quay).  Anyway since its bright and sunny, i closed all curtains so that i can truly enjoy my good night's sleep later on.

Ate cup noodles for the first night, as all of us are too tired to go out and find food.  Its practically a dead town, when we came by in the taxi, all the shops are already closed, except maybe the pubs and and some dining outlets.  Swati who arrived in the afternoon, cooped up all day in the hotel too as there are not much shopping or walking to be done.  I tried to find magnets at the Cork airport, however, the airport is so old and empty that i am now beginning to have doubts if i will ever find some decent magnets to bring home .  I am going to make this my last business trip until 9 months later when i told my boss about my situation currently.  I cant take long flights as much as before although i thought i could before this.  i just hope my journey home is a smooth one...Going to sleep now.. Dear miss you and Cepheus dearly  Good nite!

today also marks the day that Cepheus never takes in any single drop of milk by the bottle.  He just refuse to be fed any milk at all, not even during sleeping.  It have been increasingly difficult to feed him at all nowadays with my MIL also complaining that he seems to be more and more aware of the sleep feeding compared to previously.  I am so heartache seeing him not touching any milk today, how could a BABY not having any milk??  How do i get him to drink at least some milk?  how do i get the supplements of the milk into his meals daily?  These are questions constantly on my mind.  We bought him full cream choco milk tonight in hope that he will like it, but the answer is NO!  He doesnt touch anything with Milk at all, be it vanilla, choco, cheese, yogurt, anything milk like or taste like milk or butter!

Compared to Kaeus, his little cousin, just one month ahead of him, Kaeus is so much lovable, throughout the entire journey today, he sat quietly in his pram, eat porridge in his pram, drink milk after porridge diligently, and never cry or throw tantrum, he enjoys the trip today thoroughly and is so cute and likes to 'kiss' everybody who 'sayang' him, whereas for Cepheus, he is picky, irritable, constantly wanted to be carried, refuse his milk, cries when being fed porridge half way and a nuisance when we put him into his pram and getting jealous when he sees me carrying Kaeus around, not to say sayang, he doesnt even know how to reciprocate when people sayang him.  He is acting like a spoilt brat through and through.  Why cant he just be as lovable and 'guai' as his cousin.  i will be so glad.  I just want him to grow up healthy and good and not be lack of any minerals or vitamins that he needs, but how am i going to do that?

Dear Sir/Mdm,

I am writing this letter to appeal the fine given to me for driving inside the bus lane dated 6^th May 2010.  The incident happened around 6pm.   It did not occur to me that the last lane after the traffic light is a designated bus lane until I changed the lane after being behind a lorry in the second lane at the traffic lights junction.  As there are vehicles on my right side, I did not manage to filter out of the lane in time.   As my intention is to turn left quickly into Ang Mo Kio Ave 3 carpark  (in front of Courts after the bus stop) and I did not manage to filter back into the right lane in time, I continued in my course and kept left as I am approaching the left entrance into the car park less than 100m away.  I also made sure that I wasn’t blocking any bus in doing so.  I regretted my action and I will not repeat it again.  As this is my first offence, I sincerely hope that you would consider my appeal.

Thank you for your time in reading and considering my appeal and hope to receive a favorable response from you.

07:00 - Prepare and feed Cepheus breakfast

08:00 - Vaccum and Mop flat

10:00 - Eat breakfast

10:30 - Visit NurtureStar at Safra

11:30 - Cook Lunch for Cepheus

12:30 - Put Cepheus to afternoon nap

14:30  - Feed Cepheus lunch

15:30 - Do laundry

16:00 - Play with Cepheus

17:00 - Dismantle and clean four standing fans in the house

18:00 - Prepare dinner for Cepheus

19:00 - Feed Cepheus dinner

19:30 - Bathe Cepheus

20:00 - Eat my dinner

20:30 - Friends visit

21:00 - Put Cepheus to bed

21:30 - Iron clothes

22:00 - TV time

00:00 - Fell asleep

18th April 2010:

06:00 - Cepheus woke up

06:45 - Prepare and feed Cepheus breakfast

07:30 - Prepare Cepheus laundry

08:00 - Bathe Cepheus

08:30 - Put Cepheus to morning nap

Cepheus also learnt how to wave his hands when we say 'bye bye' and when we wave to him.  He will always smile and waved at us whenever anyone said bye bye and waved to him.. even to strangers when we go shopping..  

At 11 months, he also mastered how to clap and how to give things to us when we told him.  When he is extremely obedient, he will take heed of all commands and execute them promptly, however, when he is in frustration or impatience he will choose not to do so.. and he also do not like to execute the repeated instructions several times...haha kudos to the bull temper..

Although Cepheus already knew how to 'sayang' people for a while ago, he will use his forehead to lean and rub onto ours to signify 'sayang' as we do to him when we kiss him by using our lips and pressed against his face.  Today, however, Cepheus surprised us by crawling over to me himself and put his hands on my head and then lean his face towards mine while i am lying down, in doing so, he rubbed his lips and face onto my cheek and even rubbed a few times.  At first, i was so scared that i thought he wanted to beat me or scratched me with his hands again as he did that very often..i actually shut my eyes and even have the intention to siam his 'attack'.. but when he actually 'kisses' me, i was so touched.. We were so elated that for a moment, i felt so loved and touched and i felt that my son loves me when i have always thought that he only loves his daddy! and he actually repeated the action twice when his daddy told him to 'sayang mummy' again thereafter.. after which, we tried the same thing on his daddy, by telling 'sayang daddy', he actually crawled towards his daddy puts his hands on his body, knelt down and use his face to rub against his daddy's.  Today is a happy day for us as truly parents as we have been giving him so much love that finally we felt that it is reciprocated!!

Cepheus seemed distant from me just after a week, he doesnt want me to carry, only if daddy not around, otherwise, his preference is always daddy .. but i will work harder to make him prefer me hahaha...

Was damn tired during the long long flight, lucky it was a business class flight, otherwise, i think i will cry in plane as i really hate to take plane!  Enjoyed the movie marathon during this trip, movies includes

i. Invention of Lying (thumbs up)

2. SlumDog Millionaire (was quite disappointed as have very high expectations due to the good reviews)

3. 48 hours Mystery (real police thriller case in US, 3 episodes)

4. Cloudy with a chance of meatballs

5. PokerKing

6. G Force (thumbs up)

7. When Love Happens

8. He's just not that into you (Thumbs up)

9. The Education

Spent an hour or two packing and sorting out my luggage and now was finishing up my laundry as well as cleaning up the kitchen and stoves as CNY is coming!  Tmr have to do more spring cleaning of the toilet, floors etc...  What a day... was so excited to be back.. but immediately return to the part time maria status once i reach home..  cant even catch a good sleep.

I was glad that Dear likes the stuff i have bought for him very much, esp the big coach bag that i have bought for him and kept a secret from, as it was meant to be a surprise present for him!  

Tomorrow going to April's place for reunion lunch... i am going to be so damn tired.. will need to rush back immediately after lunch as Cepheus will need to eat porridge and i need to finish up all the housework.  Oh ya.. will need to bring my second lil' darling (小白) for a wash too before sunday!

the flight landed 45 min earlier in HK.. wonder how they get the estimated timing to be so way off... anyway didnt want to exchange any HKD for shopping so there is nothing much to do actually and i proceeded to the Business lounge.. with free drinks and snacks.. hmm now i am so tempted to take the free shower hahaha..

First time on the business class and i was excited previously as the last time i came to US nearly 8 years back, HP didnt allow anyone to take business class and end up squeezing in the economy class.. first time in business class and i am so SUA KU.. i really thought that there is no TV LOL.. but manage to find it later.. hahahaha.. well the seats are so so just slightly bigger than economy and wider but how come i still get aching legs and neck after just a 3 hour flight le?? hmm the problem must be with me...

Decided that Cepheus shall not sleep on our king size bed tonight, as i already got a phobia since his falling off the bed and knocked on his forehead last sunday.. however, Cepheus was a brave boy.. although he always fell and knock here and there, he only cried for awhile and not for long.. however, nothing can be compared to his attention seeking cries.. those are worse than when he hurt himself.. i guess to him right now, being lonely is much worse than being in physical pain..

Looking fwd to collecting my car next week.. yippee!

I hope that things will get better for me and everyone in 2010.  May my family be in the greatest health and may there be more peace and love in this world.

Cepheus weighs only 7.6kg and 68cm long today.  Cepheus have turned to rejects milk completely now.  If he is awake, it is impossible to feed him with any milk, he only takes in water, cereals, porridge, puree or biscuits BUT milk! We are getting worried that his milk intake is getting lesser and we can only make him take in milk when he is asleep.. At times, if he realise that he is drinking milk he will suddenly awake and keep struggling to get rid of the milk bottle...

Why is it so difficult to make him drink more milk?? he used to like milk until we introduce semi solids to him.. and he is coming to 8 mths soon and still 'Bo geh" (without any teeth).. which makes me worry only more on his slow progression.. what a birthday.. My only birthday wish is to have Cepheus grow healthily, strong and sturdy.. guess that will be my only wish for the next years to come as well..

Oh well, one good news came to me as a happy birthday gift as well.. which is Dear Dear have gotten a job at Starhub! So now he iwll be colleagues with Yihui hahaha.. According to yihui, starhub is a good company and she enjoyed working there as well as the people and culture are very nice.. hope that Dear will be enjoying his time there and most important of all, he will not be doing IT anymore, which is what he is looking for.. although taken abit of pay cut.. being happy is most important i guess..Gambate Dear!  All the best in Starhub!

Cepheus loves to bite, anything that is within his reach, be it hair, fingers, teddies, hanky, edibles or non-edibles.  We suspect he is already teething as this have been ongoing for a few months, however, yet to see any teeth of his coming out yet.  We introduce fish porridge to him which he doesnt really like and he also doesnt like avocados, but one thing we know he like is this veggie biscuits that i have bought for him recently.  Two flavors, the other one is fish flavor which he turns down too when we try giving him.. hmm how to make him like fish more..

Dear have been taking pictures with his new Pana GF1 and have been taking pictures of Cepheus with the camera, wow what nice pictures.. i am very surprised with the quality of the pictures and do not regret the purchase.. its worth its every cent as can be seen from Cepheus recent pictures taken.  Cepheus have been extremely 'talkative' nowadays and will 'hur hur huh huh wah wah ho ho ho..' sometimes non stop and it just sounds so funny..

Cepheus have tried rice cereal, wheat cereal, pumpkin puree, carrot puree and sweet potato puree, we are going onto fruits and i have just prepared apple puree for him but he is too tired and have been sleeping since we return from swimming this evening.  Will let him try tomorrow then.  He loves puree and always eat in anticipation for more and he looks so satisfied when we fed him.. makes us all the more happier.. but he doesnt like the rice cereal which is why i changed it to friscreme wheat cereal.  I have to mix puree into the rice cereal before he will actually take it previously.  We are going to start him on porridge soon, one more week ba.. hope he will respond better to porridge.. but porridge will be quite blend compared to the cereals and puree.. which i am worried if he will actually respond well to it.

Cepheus went for his 6-in-1 jab at NUH again on wednessday, and this time, the PD advised that we stop the pneumoccocal jab as the MOH have announced that babies only need 2 jabs instead of 3 now during the first year... he just need the last booster again at 18 mths and that's it.. good news as we cant bear to see him going through 2 jabs at the same time again! However, Cepheus is very brave boy.. when the nurse injected the 6-in-1 jab into him, he just cried for a few seconds before stopping and reacted as normal looking around him in the hospital curiously.. we were so worried that he will actually kick up a big fuss after the jab! however, back home, he rejected most of the milk on that day but he managed to regained his appetite on friday again kudos..

We made rice cereal for Cepheus the very first time on wednessday after advice from the PD, not sure if he doesnt really like it or he simply do not know what to do with the cereal, he just push them all out with his tongue when we fed him.. anyway we tried for these few days by feeding him only once and a few small spoonfuls each time. However, tonight i decided to feed him making the cereal more solidified as my MIL and hubby makes it quite watery for him and i think he don't like it.. tonight he seems to respond better to it and actually opens his mouth in anticipation!  i think he knew its not milk cos its much more solidified.. but i only gave him a few spoonfuls and then gave him his milk as usual .. hmm will start to prepare puree for him once he is adapted to taking in the cereals..

Ouch ouch ouch..I am still suffering from toothache these days, although i just have a wisdom tooth extracted (the upper right tooth) on wednessday itself.. i think its swelling up and i can feel some swelling at the upper right side.. however, since it doesnt cause me much problem eating and drinking.. i am going to ignore it for now.. however, the thought of the tooth extraction really puts me off.. i wonder how i survive the caesarean when i cant even put up with tooth extraction.. the dentist advised me to extract my lower left wisdom and molar tooth together as it have decayed quite a bit, however, he must have seen through how scared i was throughout the tooth extraction that he suggested that i can actually take it off during 'sleeping' .. i was like 'sleeping' and smiling in anticipation.. in the end he said that it have to be done in the hospital under GA if i wanted to.. but which will costs a bomb.. otherwise the next best option will be to invite a anaesthecian into the clinic and put me under sedation.. which will costs twice the price the wisdom tooth operation.. i was initially planning to go for the operation in nov/dec timeframe.. however, now i am thinking twice.. i don't think i can go through the whole operation while i am so awake but even if i can afford to pay the price.. i still worry about the pain after the operation.. 嗨

Anyway, will be busy for the next couple of months at work, as we are migrating all three regions towards the common global tool and i think its coming fast and furious.. after this, it might mean then that my team may be gone if global is going to take over everything.. however, i will just take a step at a time and see how it goes.. well just enjoy while i can, i will just treat this migration as another major project milestone in my company and gain more fun and exposure from it!  In fact I am telling my global lead that i am looking forward to it!  

I am not sure if its Cepheus that is too tired (he has been up since 6am) or that he doesnt like crowds, he wasnt really happy today and most of the time sleeping or sulking.. Dear said that it is because he is too tired as he couldnt get any good sleep at the event due to the loud speakers and the crowd around him... speaking of the loud speakers, i actually complained to the helpers at the event that the speakers are way too loud for the children, its a children event and many babies were brought along but the speakers were blasting off like nobody's business.. Cepheus was in shock when the speakers blasted and will always cry when he was near any of the speakers.. they should have been more considerate in this aspect and act according to the event's requirements..

Dear will not need to go to work tomorrow since he have suddenly become jobless.  He have been stressed and unhappy lately due to work and now retrenched, although he have not been happy in his job but we did not expect him to be jobless without any replacement so soon.. on top of that, his little severance pay was nothing to be talk about.. as now is year end, not easy to find a job at this time, we are starting to get worried about the family expenses, bank loans, home bills and milk money, and the recently added insurances for Cepheus..

There goes my plan about getting an OPC in January next year too, and previously i am also thinking of looking for something new next year, guess i have to put all my plans on hold for now..

Cepheus went for his second round of rotavirus this afternoon, he is weighing 6.7kg and measuring 65cm in length.  The doctor said that this dimensions are 50th percentile for a full 5 month old baby, whereas Cepheus is now 2 more weeks to 5th month!  I am so happy upon hearing that, Cepheus have indeed catch up alot these 2 months.  Haha but most importantly is that he is growing healthily and steadily.  The doctor commented that Cepheus is having very dry skin with abit of enzema.. well, the dry skin must have been inherited from his daddy and as for enzema, i believe from myself as i am having abit of enzema condition myself too.. well the doctor gave us a sample of moisturizer, claiming that it is very good as its the premium brand from france.. too bad, he did not carry it in his clinic and its not sold off the shelves, he did recommend some other creme though that we are able to buy off the shelve, maybe we will try out this first and then buy the one that he have recommended too...

I have been in very foul mood lately, and always complaining about how my life have changed since i have Ceph.. Dear Dear have been most patient with me and Cepheus and although he hates to feed and change Ceph (he have yet to change him yet), he is always willing to give a comfort arms to Ceph whenever Ceph throws a temper, cries or is sleepy.. no wonder Ceph likes him so much.. he have never really scolded or even raised his voice at Ceph before, even when Ceph is so difficult to care of these days.. unlike me, i have been raising my voice at Ceph and Dear when things don't go my way.. after being stressed at work and whenever Ceph throws a temper or refuse his meals or sleep.. that i am feeling so guilty now whenever i raise my voice at him.  i wonder how a big guy like Dear can be so patient and caring towards a baby!! He really makes me 佩服 him and makes me ashamed of myself .. Dear have never really complain about how our life changes after having Ceph, although he do grumbles at times (i know he didnt really mean those mean remarks) and he is always so happy and willing to carry Ceph nowadays, much more than me.

Dear thank you for being so patient with me... after seeing how bad Ceph's temper is.. i hope i can change mine and to influence him in future too..

He is growing very well and gaining weight quite steadily.. and 不知不觉 he is already 6kg now.. although we do not feel that he have grown much becos we are seeing him everyday, but we certainly can 'feel' it! Dear Dear and I are suffering from body aches and hands cramps every now and then.  Nowadays, i can even feel my hands go numb while typing at work or while feeding him and the effect is obvious esp when i wake up from bed everyday!  My arms will be aching and my hands will go numb (pins and needles) for awhile before i can feel it again.. i guess we really need to work out more... esp me.. even my colleagues are asking me if i have problem carrying my own son because i look so fragile myself!

During maternity, i always thought to myself that i wanted to be a stay home mum and look after our only son.. give him the very best and be there for him everytime he step on to a new journey eg flipping, 'talking', crawling etc.. however, as long as i step back to work, i realise that working gave me my meaning in live! i have felt so useless when i were staying home looking after him full time previously.. i doubt i can take that kind of life for long.. esp when i am such an impatient person!  Getting back to work makes me more fulfilling and satisfied..and time flies faster.. coming home from work and seeing my son in the night, spending time with him over the weekends have made time fly faster.. in no time, it will be his first birthday!  and i am looking forward to his turning one!

BTW, we just bought a whole life insurance for him from prudential, me and Dear were contemplating whether to buy an investment link policy for him or a whole life, we finally decided on whole life after speaking to Jean and understanding our objectives.  It makes more sense to buy a whole life for him since we are giving it to him as a gift and he doesnt need to worry about getting himself insured when he grows up.. he can concentrate on buying his own funds etc for his financial planning when he step out to work.

while my MIL was putting Cepheus to bed last night, again Cepheus managed to flip and also this morning, however, he is still not able to flip as and when he likes it yet.. as there are still attempts whereby he will fail to flip and he will start crying.. i guess he just needs more time in building up his strength to flip over as and when.. it always happen unexpectedly that we are not able to flim it down in time..too bad dear dear till now have yet to witness any of the flipping incidents! 加油恒恒！！ 翻给你的老爸看！！

Cepheus did his first flip today while i was dressing him after bath, i was rubbing his back on his cot when he just flipped himself over and held his head up high, however, after that, he did not manage to perform the trick again in front of his daddy.. hmm i am sure Cepheus will be able to perform the full flip in no time! Cepheus '加油'!!

Cepheus hugged his brownie close to him whole day and we introduce him to the Bumbo seat today which he didnt really like initially as he began to cry after awhile.. but he played with his brownie quietly in the rocker though..

hmmmm.. was just telling my Dear Dear that the past 16 weeks have been a very expensive experience.. as i have thought that i would be able to save more money during my maternity but end up my expenses soared even higher! Think this is because i have been shopping more often, physically as well as doing more online shopping nowadays .. hopefully when i am back to work i will be more focused on job instead of buy buy buy! hahaha..

Finally its been full three months and i have learnt alot the past three months too.. learning how to recognise my baby's needs and wants.. and also taking care of my son alone.. raising a kid is certainly not easy.. now is still considered easy stage.. the real difficult stage will soon come and we need to be prepared for it.. 

Cepheus at 3 months is learning to make 'cooing' noises and is exceptionally smiley, he smiles at anyone who talks to him or touches him and it always makes the people around him very happy to see him smile.. i read that this is the period (4th mth) that a baby will be smiling always and this is also the period that he will probably be smiling the most compared to the next 12 months.. its been a blessing that we have been able to witness Ceph smiley moments as i have heard from friends that not all babies smile as much as ours

Finally i will be back to work in a week's time, how time flies.. i really wish that i could be with Ceph always, be by his side when he cries, when he wants a hug, when he wants milk and when he wanted to play.. however, reality kicks in and i cannot afford to be a SAHM .. instead i have to work even harder than before so as to provide a better life for Ceph.. 

As i am going back to work soon, i spent a few hours packing the entire store room and moving our furnitures around to make space for Cepheus growing up needs.. as our hall is small, i have to remove my coffee table (so now no more kopi friends! haha) shifted my sofa to the wall and also shifted the dining table so that it will be more baby friendly and to have more space for Ceph in future.. although my flat now do not look as glam as before.. but its worth it .. as its all for Cepheus..

The next thing we have to consider and make arrangements soon is to confirm the policies to buy for Cepheus.  1 Life insurance, 2 hospitalisation plan and 3 Education funds ..

Ceph likes his father alot too.. whenever Daddy returns from work, Ceph will always smile when he sees Daddy.. not sure if its becos Daddy always smiles at him with teeth wide opened.. Daddy says that babies and children likes over exaggerated voices and expressions to keep them entertained.. and whenever Daddy smiles, Ceph will smile back happily too.. just too bad that mummy do not have a 'clown' face lor..

Ceph weighs at 5.26kg today and 59cm in height, going on 12 weeks already and he only gains 2 kg in all, what i heard is that ideally baby should grow at 1kg per month.. PD also commented that he is only in the 25th percentile.. so considered slow and smaller in size.. but certainly he said Ceph do not look like those malnourished type and that i should not worry too much.. we can only monitor to see if his growth rate is slowing down, he suggested that i can start Ceph on milk powder or cereal earlier in the 4-5 mths to give him more nutrients for growth.. how can i not worry about his growth? definitely i do not want a FAT baby, but i certainly do hope that Ceph will grow up to be tall and strong like his daddy.. ya now he LOOKS like his daddy but i am hoping that his physique will take after Ferris and not Me cos he is a boy and he needs to be taller!!  Ceph is feeding on only 700+ml everyday and it is considered little because he certainly needs more than that!  We have to start feeding Ceph more often now since he is able to sleep through at night and not waking up for milk means he is actually skipping at least 2 meals when he is sleeping.

Tao Tao was telling me today not to worry too much as breastfed babies tend to grow slower because our breast milk do not contains much fat but more nutrients, compared to milk powdered babies who grow up to be fatter, but breast fed babies should have more nutrients which is much more important at this stage.. That being said, I do hope that Ceph will grow more in the next round of checkup..

The PD also commented today that we should not let Ceph sleep on Sarong as it is very dangerous esp during the 4-5 mths period when he learns how to flip.. and ask me to take special note on this as he worked in the A&E dept in KK hospital before, he heard and see alot of baby accidents that occurred because of the Sarong and is strongly against parents allowing their babies to sleep on Sarong.. 

Went over to papa's place today and Ceph took some pretty shots with gong gong.  It's been some time since i visited 'lucky' (my dad's precious dog whom have been part of our family for almost ten years..) and today when she sees me she was so happy and excited on seeing Ceph too.. Me and dad were so careful of not letting lucky go near Ceph and lucky got so jealous that she actually barks (she seldom barks, only when she is angry or happy) and whine when we 'sayang' Ceph instead of her.. 

Lesson learnt today, make sure your baby have enough sleep during the day.. do not get him too excited in a day as he may end up losing sleep and appetite at night, i thought it only happens to toddlers, but it seems that it happens to babies too.. i felt so xim tia when i see him not drinking and sleeping well last night.. but when he gets back his good sleep owed to him just now, he manage to finish his milk again in the afternoon which we were relieve to see so.. 

Got the news from my colleague that i am 'losing' my job soon.. as i refuse to be back in time and my temporary replacement quit the job, my boss have to give my job to someone else and this time.. permanently.. so i am also not sure what else i will be doing back in August.. would i still be able to hold a secure job?? let's hope so..

Will be bringing Ceph to the Tiong Bahru Pediatrician this afternoon for the RotaVirus Vaccine.. was quite angry with the NUH PD that they never advise me to take this vaccine, it has been reported that almost every baby will be infected by Rota Virus (which will cause fever, diarrhea and vomit) by the age of 3, although it is not always life threatening, but it does cause severe dehydration or complications to baby if it gets too serious, in rare cases, it may cause death too.  To me, since it is an inevitable infection that will be captured later in life, it is better to be vaccinated earlier, and the vaccination can only take place before baby reaches the age of 15 weeks!! Ceph is already going onto 11 weeks, and so we must really do it fast.  Well being the modern parents, we would not want to take any chances on our baby's health right! 

It is also noted that Ceph prefers his pooh bear over Brownie (poor Brownie :'( )

Ceph trying to grab the bottle while feeding haha..